Part 9

My alarm clock goes off and I stumble bleary eyed into the shower. The night before had turned out to be really intense. Marcia had cried for what seemed like hours and then we had just talked about what we would do when reality caught up with us. We hadn't really come to any conclusions but Marcia had calmed down enough to go to sleep. I come out of the shower and realise that Marcia had fallen asleep in my bed. I shake her slightly to wake her up. She stares at me bleary eyed before stumbling to her room to get showered and changed. I am munching on some toast and reviewing my homework when she walks into the kitchen pulling on her suit coat and zeroes in on the coffee pot filling up a portable mug and tossing me the keys as she heads for the door. I am humming as we drive over to Jase's house and I rush up the driveway to ring the bell and get him. Tina opens the door cradling the phone in the crook of her neck and gives me a kiss on the cheek hello. She runs into the kitchen and pulls Jase out before wordlessly handing me a packed lunch, giving Jase a kiss and shuffling us out of the door.

Jase is laughing as he unfolds his cane and slips on his sunglasses when we are out the door.

"What was that about?" I ask joining him in laughter.

"The perils of a working Mum. She is trying to get our insurance information to the newspapers provider because the HR department is being slow and my brother needs to see the dentist" he explains.

"Ah- how old is your brother?" I ask.

"He's 23 but he's kind of drifting. He dropped out of College two years ago and hasn't really found anything that stuck since. Actually he saw your sister yesterday and asked me about her."

"Really? What did he want to know?" I ask as we slide into the back seat.

"Her story. Is she single?" he informs me with a smirk.

"Is who single? Hey Jase" Marcia greets Jase.

"Are you single. My brother was wondering." Jase teases with a playful smirk on his lips.

"I am but that is a bit too happy families. I mean double dates with my little sister?" Marcia laughs as she pulls out of Jase's driveway and we head to school. Jase is blushing a furious shade of red and despite myself I smile. I don't know if I want anything more than a friendship but I like him and it's nice to know he likes me too.

"Are you enjoying my obvious discomfort?" He asks performing that unnerving trick where he approximates a stare really well.

"How did you know that?" I am genuinely puzzled.

"Are you kidding? Your smile must be huge because I can feel it from over here" His hand finds my face carefully and he rests two fingers on the side of my mouth. "Show me" he commands and even though I don't usually do well with commands I cannot help but smile. I let his hand linger for a second before smacking it away.

"That's all you get pal" I put on a Texan accent for comic effect.

"You really shouldn't do accents." Jase deadpans.

"Seconded" this helpful contribution is from Marcia in the front seat. The two of them then engage in a hilarious competition to see who can do the worst Aisha doing a Texan accent imitation. We are at school before I can get a word in edgeways.

"Later Marcia" I try not to show my annoyance obviously making fun of me has put her in a better mood. She laughs and rushes to her workmate Tracy who will drop her at work tossing me the keys as she goes.

"We are so going to need another car" I mutter to myself.

"Hey- do you want to hang out after school? Eli and Brett were going to the Cafe- it wouldn't really be fun unless you came." Jase asks as we head in to school. "It wouldn't be fun, huh?" I nudge him playfully "I really hope you are usually smoother around girls you like" as soon as the words are out of my mouth I regret them. Jase shifts uncomfortably. The bell rings.

"My first class is Spanish so um you could just drop me off" his voice is strangled and he is playing with the straps of his book bag. I could kick myself. I swallow and wordlessly escort him to Spanish class before making my way to the music room where I know we are allowed to spend our free periods. Anything I said was just bound to make it worse. I burst into the music room- which is a fairly basic set up. Institutional blue chairs dotted haphazardly in a large room with a drumset in the corner and a piano in the centre. Eli is sitting at the piano reviewing the sheet music on the stand intently.

"Oh hey. Sorry to interrupt I'll just go to the library and give you some privacy" I turn to leave.

"You can't the second bell has already gone. If you're busted without a hall pass well.. its an executable offence" I smile and study him intently for a bit.

"What?" an uncomfortable smile plays on his lips.

"The way you speak. It's still so New York; neurotic, fast- raises some interesting nature vs nurture questions" I respond.

"Well I visit my grandparents every summer and like most New Yorkers it is carefully fostered lest anyone forget our awesomeness. So nature and nurture. You sound like a Londoner"

"Rainy and grey?" I smile enjoying our banter.I move over to the piano and look at the piece he is studying. "I've actually played this before. Do you want to try?"

He nods and I pull out my violin and tune it quickly before we start. We play choppily stopping to correct our mistakes before finally playing it through. I haven't practiced in a while and Eli hasn't played the piece before.Our ease extends to playing though. The piece doesn't sound that great yet but we have potential as partners.

"You are really good" I state awed "Really talented"

"I really think this could sound amazing if we worked on it some more. Do you have another free period this week?" He asks with a focus in his eyes that reminds me of the difference between the people who take lessons and young musicians.

"Friday. I think."

"Cool, Friday then. I'm grounded for the next two weeks but the second my fascist Father lets up I'll invite you over. He is the parental equivalent of the SS. Sometimes I wish we just didn't have parents." He freezes. I can tell he now wishes the ground would open up and swallow him.

"You don't have to freak out- it's okay." I reassure him as I pack up my violin the bell is about to ring.

"Do you mind if I ask what happened?" he mumbles.

"Um.. I guess not. It was a car accident."

"I'm sorry. Crap. I hated when people said that to me after my Mum died. I never knew what to say back. I never realised they had the exact same problem."

"I just say 'thanks' which isn't really appropriate but at least it's polite" Eli nods and I know he understands. I smile "It's weird right it's like this strange new club that we belong to now- the damaged club, the oliver twist collective"Eli raises his eyebrow quizically and I have to laugh "Was that ridiculously emo for a girl wearing pearl studs?" I ask.

"No. The walking wounded I totally get it. So are you and Jase you know.. together?" he asks changing the subject.

"We're just friends. Not even that maybe I just made it very awkward before this class. How goes your girl trouble?" I as as we head down the hallway to our next class.

I nod sympathetically as Eli tells the tale of the girl who he used to love who never loved him back and the girl who he now loves but cannot love him back because she is his babysitter. I sense a theme but I wisely keep my mouth shut. I have always been a straight shooter because I have trouble picking up on nuances which means I tend to verbalize what I think and feel. It's not very romantic or very conducive to the painful stare at each other soulfully in the hallways variety of love favoured by most high school students. The last boy I was involved with (we didn't even last long enough for the boyfriend label to be used) broke up with me because I didn't say I love you back or participate as he hypothesized a future together and went on to clarify that although I liked him enough to use my tongue to explore his mouth I would probably never love him although I did like him enough. He did not like hearing that. I am absolutely not one to offer relationship advice.

My morning classes fly by and Jase makes a point of walking between them with Eli or Brett. At lunch I approach the table hesitantly until Brett invites me to sit down. When I do I stare at Jase willing him to give me any sign that he doesn't hate me. His face remains impassive throughout lunch and I struggle to participate in the conversation. He doesn't direct a single remark to me. It shocks me how much this hurts. Eli and Jase have different classes on the same part of the campus so they set off together. I leave the lunch room feeling dejected and contemplate just bunking off the rest of the day (I never actually would but the fantasy is nice).

"Hey Aisha" I turn surprised to see Brett I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear him run up behind me "Are you okay? You seem distracted" He smiles sweetly.

"I'm okay" I reply.

"I was actually wondering if you wanted to go out on Friday?"

I stare at him blankly "With me" he elaborates.

"Uh...okay." I choke out not entirely sure what is happening.

The second bell rings and we both dash off to our respective classes. I am really flattered that Brett asked me out. He is really good looking and fun but I am not sure I am interested in him.

I am waiting for Jase outside his class.

"Hey guys" I greet him as he exits the class talking to Hannah she is laughing at something he said.

"Hey Aisha" Hannah greets me enthusiastically and leans in for a hug. Which is odd since we just met but I go with it.

"A hugger, huh?" I joke good naturedly.

"Unfortunately to know me is to hug me" she responds pushing her glasses up her nose. Hannah's smile is so pure. Which is a strange adjective, I know but it is pure joy.

"Actually I was wondering if you wanted to come over tomorrow and we could work on our homework- or use homework as an excuse to hang out." I offer.

"Sounds great- I'll catch a ride with you from school. It was really nice to meet you Jase" She waves as she runs to catch the bus.

I turn to Jase who has not said a word to me.

"Is this because of what I said this morning?" he doesn't respond so I move keep talking "It is not that big of a deal. You don't like me like that. I kinda hoped that you did and I made a bad joke but it means nothing. We can still be friends- you are the best friend I have here. I know we only just met but please don't make this weird. I like you- even with the jackassery you have subjected me to today I still really want to be friends and I will even accept that I am only the second biggest matchbox 20 fan here but I cannot take this silent treatment bullshit every time I say something you don't like. Newsflash Jase- my foot spends a lot of time in my mouth." I didn't intend to say so much and when I glance at his face I can tell that he feels overwhelmed by the stream of crazy I just unleashed in his direction.

"So lets just go home" I say flatly. He swallows and nods reaching for my arm which I bring to him. We walk to the car in silence. We drive to his house in silence. He doesn't leave the car straight away so we just sit there parked in silence for ten minutes. When I am two seconds away from screaming. He clears his throat and speaks "I'm sorry."

"Huh?" this caught me off guard.

"I'm sorry. You really surprised me this morning. I really like you too but I can't handle anything more right now. Main streaming is kicking my butt. " he admits. His gaze is directed at his lap. I can tell this is hard for him.

"What do you mean? You seem fine. You're making friends and stuff.." I trail off.

"And every day feels like such hard frigging work. I'm scared that I will fall or be caught with no idea where I am. I have to focus so hard in an entirely new place." His fists are clenched and though I can't see his eyes because of the sunglasses I can tell he is perilously close to tears.

"I had no idea. What can I do?" I ask.

"You're doing it. You treat me like I'm totally normal and I think that Eli and Brett and those guys picked up on that and followed your lead. I shouldn't have said anything about all my..stuff because I really don't want how you treat me to change but U needed you to understand how even though you are so great and I really like you- that way and and every way there is I cannot handle one more thing on my plate right now. Is that okay?"

I am so relieved that I burst into tears and laughter. "Are you kidding? It is more than okay. I feel the same way. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I am freaking out too. A new town and school? It's enough to make me poo my pants. You are handling it so incredibly though. You're amazing."

"No way. If I was in you're situation I wouldn't be as cool as you are. You're amazing." he replies.

"I am pretty amazing" I joke. He reaches for my hand and wraps his fingers around mine when he finds it. "You are helping me find my feet here and I don't want to mess that up so. I accept your apology if you accept mine and promise that we can always be like this- honest."

"Deal" he smiles "So you are a fan of whiny cry baby pathetic me, huh?".

"I'm a fan of all of it". The words are so incredibly corny that I cringe as they leave my mouth. But I mean them sincerely and sincerity is not something I am very comfortable with. This conversation could have never happened with anyone else but Jase makes me feel safe. I want him to know me. I brace myself for his reaction to my comment but he just smiles and I swear my heart melts just like in the songs. We sit in the car for a few more moments because this conversation has made real what we have been skirting around since we met. Jase is my best friend now. It is amazing how people come into your life. Even more amazing are those rare moments when you want to make room for them. So we just sit, making room.

Part 8

Monday morning. I always loved the first day of school. I realise how uncool that is to admit. I woke up Monday morning expecting to feel differently about my first day at Everwood High but I woke up with that familiar first day glow. It's strange to be so grateful for something that used to be normal but normal feels great. Normal will make today a lot easier. I get up have a shower before carefully selecting my first day outfit- I want to look casual but also cute. I decide on empire waisted knitted dress and leather jacket paired with some flats. I am stuffing a notebook, my Ipod, pens, pencils, my laptop, my gym clothes and a scarf into a graphic canvas holdall when Marcia rushes in in her underwear with rollers in her hair.

"Oh heavens! Please please please tell me we have time. What time does school start?" She is hilariously panicked.

"We have time but you don't have time for breakfast. Actually I don't have time for breakfast. Actually we don't have time I told Jase we would be there in like 5 minutes" I realise.

As I am talking she dashes off to change. She is pulling on her shoes as we head out of the house.

"How do I look?" She asks flustered.

"Good. I'll drive to Jase's and you can fix your hair" She nods and tosses me the keys.

Two minutes later we are parked outside of Jase's house. I run up the driveway and ring the doorbell. Jase answers he is dressed neatly he is wearing a plaid shirt tucked into a pair of belted khakis and a navy blue windbreaker. His shock of curly hair looks like someone struggled to tame it before accepting defeat.

"Hey. You sound winded."

"I am we kind of failed as far as estimating wake up calls so no breakfast for us but we are on time if we leave right now" I reply.

"Hello Aisha look I really appreciate this but I am not sure if I am comfortable with Jase coming with you he's going to need some special attention and it isn't really fair" His Mum Tina is rushing out of the kitchen holding two brown bags.

"Mum. You need to stop. If I am going to do this I need to really do this. On my own. So Aisha will drive me and we will both check in since we are both new students and I will be lead around by the disability liaison they told us about. I'll be fine okay? Back me up Dad!"

"Stop babying him Tina he will be fine and if he isn't he will call" comes a booming voice from upstairs.

I can tell Jase is trying to keep his patience "Mum if we don't leave now we are going to be late."

"Okay okay" she concedes handing s each one brown bag "I made you both a sack lunch. Good luck." She pulls her son in for a bear hug and whispers into his ear something that I can't quite make out.

"Don't worry Mrs Goodman We'll watch out for each other. Thanks so much for the lunch. You didn't have to" I say

"My pleasure sweetie and call me Tina okay?" she is wiping tears out of her eyes as we leave.

"Oh God" Jase groans as I lead him to the car "No other 17 year old had to endure that drama just going to school"

"Be nice. She loves you"

"You're on her side now!" he cries indignantly.

"Um she made me lunch. What have you done for me lately?" I laugh.

I introduce Marcia to Jase as we enter the car. I climb into the back seat so we can sit together.

"Okay you guys tell me honestly- how do I look?" Jase asks as we head off to school.

"What do you mean?" I ask as my sister eyes me with trepidation in the rear view mirror.

"This outfit. The first day of school outfit is crucial right? My mum picked this out".

"Um.. You look like you're Mum picked out your outfit" I answer.

"Oh God" He runs his hands in his hair making the curly mop even more of an adorable mess.

"To be fair Jase. It is a very accurate and expressive outfit" Marcia cracks up laughing as she responds.

"Marcia don't be mean. It's also sending some Jehova Witness or a young Republican vibes" I can't help but join in.

"Haha. I understand the impulse to mock the blind guy but you could also.. you know... help" Jase yells.

"Okay calm down Jase. Here" I reach over and untuck his shirt and unbutton the first few buttons after I discover that he has layered a plain white T shirt underneath I untuck that. Since his Mum still let him wear his beat up pear of chucks the look works and is a huge improvement.

"If you have finished with your extreme makeover: backseat edition. We have arrived at school. Are you okay going in by yourself? I really don't want to be late for school" She says pleadingly.

"Yup we are fine" I reply as we hop out. I hug Marcia through the window. I let Jase find my elbow and wait for him to snap open his cane.

"Are you ready for this?" I ask him as we both face the school.

"Not at all" He replies. I can tell he is nervous.

"Well you look great Jase. Very good first day outfit" I squeeze his arm to reassure him.

"Okay then guide on" He declares.

We head into the school once we are in the hallway Jase asks what it looks like and I have trouble describing it. "It kind of looks like industrial-ey and charmless".

In the administration office we approach the reception desk "Hi I'm Aisha Ogilvy and this is Jason Goodman. It's our first day as Juniors here at Everwood High"

She asks us to have a seat until the principal is ready to see us.

"It's weird to think that a few days ago I had a Headmistress and now I have a Principal"

Jase doesn't reply I look over and he is gripping his folded up cane so tightly that his knuckles are white. I look around the admin office and note the noise coming from the halls outside. This must be really unsettling for him.

"I'm really glad we're starting together. I mean, half the battle of the first day is not looking like a total loser when lunch comes. So you're going to sit with me right? Please?" I ask.

"Sure" he smiles I am sure he can see my transparent efforts to reassure him.

We meet briefly with the Principal she tells us that she has arranged for Jase to have a guide. Although our schedules mostly match up because we are in all the advanced placement classes. The Principal calls in Jase's designated guide.

"Oh Hi Amy!" I say when the waitress from the cafe walks in. She does not look at all pleased to be there. Her face is drawn, her eyes are bloodshot and her hair really needs a trim but she is beautiful. I give her a smile that I hope conveys that I recognise her as one of the walking wounded and that I understand. She smiles back obviously her embracing of grunge does not erase a lifetime of good breeding.

"Oh good you all know each other" The principal says "Amy will show you both around and Jason she will act as your guide and reader after school should you need her. Amy is, I am sure, happy to assist either of you in any way that she can" He declares with a meaningful glance at Amy.

We head out of the office with Amy leading the way and me guiding Jase.

"Welcome to hell. Just a brief run down of the school structure- 500 students gives us one of the lowest student teacher ratios of any public school but that does not stop the all pervading suck. Trust me" she intones darkly.

"Maybe Brett was wrong- it isn't going to be anything like high school musical" I mutter in Jase's ear.

"You've met my brother Brett?" Amy asks.

"Yeah. We met him at Mama Joy's. Him and Eli gave us the school run down" Jase answers.

"Cool. Look, I am so not Sally school spirit right now so if you could just show yourselves around that would be great. Jase I'll talk to you tomorrow about coming over to read. Here is your first class. Later" And just like that she is gone.

"What is her damage?" Jase wonders out loud.

Before I can answer we are inside the class room. A teacher notes us entering and the room begins to buzz. I hand him the slip from the principal. He welcomes us to the class and asks us to introduce ourselves. Jase nudges me forward.

"Hi I'm Aisha. I just moved to Everwood from London." I stop there deciding to keep it short and sweet.

"Hi I'm Jason and I just moved to Everwood from Minnesota." Jase speaks confidently but I can tell it is at an effort.

"Welcome Jason and Aisha. I am Mr Mammoth and I teach AP History. I am sure you will both be valued additions. Please find a seat and we will begin." Mr Mammoth smiles encouragingly as we walk past him to the two available seats. Jase trips over someone's back pack on our way through the aisle and I whisper "Sorry". "Not your fault" he returns as he slides into the seat. The chairs have desks attached to them. The novelty of this amuses me for a bit before I am drawn into the class. The morning passes quickly. Soon we are part of the massive herd drawn toward the cafeteria. Jase stops suddenly.

"Do you mind if we just hang back a little. A huge crowd of hungry teens and a guy who can't see waving a stick around- it is a recipe for disaster" I can tell that there is more to it than that but I accept his reasons. We sit on the bottom step and I watch him take off his sunglasses and rub his temples.

"This shouldn't be this hard" he says quietly.

"What?" I ask.

"Mainstreaming. The day is only half over and I'm exhausted" he admits.

"I feel you" I lean on his leg as I speak "I mean I don't know but I get it. It will get easier though, you just have to get used to it" His hand is on my forearm and before I can process what is happening we are sitting on the steps holding hands. It is nice. I give his hand a squeeze before standing up. "We have to go eat. I want to see what your mum put in my brown bag. I've never had a brown bag lunch before.."

We head into the cafeteria and find a table in the corner. Jase is in the middle of a hilarious impression of our Geography teacher when Eli comes up to the table holding his lunch tray.

"Do you guys mind if I sit with you?" he asks.

"Of course not. Is Brett with you" Jase cocks his head.

"Uh..no. We are kind of...um.. Brett does his jock thing when we are at school. I do my loner thing. We stick to our wheelhouses."

"Sit" I pat the chair next to me invitingly "We'll try not to interfere with your commitment to the loner lifestyle. Actually I was wondering whether you have practised any Schubert before. I was working on one of the sonatas before I got here and I need a piano player. Do you want to practice together?"

"Sure. I actually need some help with duets. I'm trying to get into Julliard"

"Wow. You must be really good." Jase starts to unwrap his sandwich and I follow his lead. It is proscuitto and cheese on wholegrain bread with a little bit of honey mustard, a bag of crisps and an apple.

"I'll tell you what's good" I am speaking with a mouth full of sandwich "This sandwich! Your Mum is amazing. Do you think if I play up the orphan thing she'll pack me lunch everyday?"

"Ugh is your mouth full- I thought English people had manners?" he teases.

"I got carried away. I'm sorry but it was mostly the sandwiches fault" this time I swallow before I speak.

"Can we back up to the part about you being an orphan?" Eli asks.

The bell rings signalling the end of lunch period.

"We have gym" I say apologetically to Eli while manouevering myself to Jase's side.

"Um.. no you don't. Girls and boys have separate classes" Eli informs us as we move out of the cafeteria.

"Oh shit. Could you take Jase to class then? I have to get changed" I rush out. I know I probably left them a little confused but I have to get changed in relative privacy.

I am exhausted by the time the final bell rings. The day had begun its steady downturn when the coach announced that we would be playing basketball. I hate sport. I'm not really great with team work and every ball in the world seems to hold a grudge that can only be resolved by hurling themselves at my face. The coach seems to expect me to be some sort of basketball superstar and keeps yelling "Hustle" to me. I mutter under my breath "I do not speak jock". The ball flies in my direction and I use my arms to protect my face. Somehow I make it through the game unscathed. On my way to the locker room the coach calls me over to berate me for my disappointing performance.

"What is his problem?" I look up from my fuming to see a mousy girl with long curly hair and red framed glasses.

"Apparently my height and skin colour make me predestined for basketball glory. I love stereotypes. Ugh. I tried to explain to him that I am allergic to balls and my own sweat." I giggle to let her know I am not really that angry.

"Oh God. I know you are new so allow me to apologize on behalf of Everwood. Coach is really only playing with half a deck. I'm Hannah and I swear that this town isn't so bad. Speaking as a former new kid." She rushes this all out in one breathe. A kindred nervous talker. I reach out to shake her hand as I pull off my sweaty gym shirt.

"I'm Aisha. Don't worry. I hated gym way before I got here. At least you guys have a more honest name for it. Back at my old school it was called "games" and I loathed the false joviality you know. Gym- short, utilitarian and honest. Much better." I reply as I hastily wrap myself in a towel preparing to head for the showers. Her eyes widen and I know she has noted my scars- I had a few marrow transplants when I was younger and host vs graft on brown skin is really hideous. She is too polite to say anything and I pretend not to notice her reaction- she seems nice.

"Actually I agree. We are studying 1984 in English and I think that the most horrible part of dystopia is the doublespeak. It's insulting!" I can tell she could really warm to this topic.

"Haha. Wait so if they were straight forward if the Ministry of Love was called the centralised breeding bureau you would be okay with everything else?" I tease lightly as we head to the shower.

"Oh yeah. Honesty is paramount." She dead pans. Her eyes twinkle and I can't help but like her.

We chat easily as we shower and get ready for classes. It turns out we have the same art period and that we are assigned as partners. The bell rings for the end of the day and I head off to look for Jase realising that I have no idea how he got to his classes. The guilt makes me rush through the halls frantically until I spot Eli, Brett, Jase and two other boys I don't know on the front garden (lawn) of the school. I rush toward them before realising that they look like they are having fun- fooling around with the ease of instant male camaraderie (usually sport induced I note darkly) and If I ran up like a panicked idiot it might embarrass Jase. I slow my pace and approach them casually.

"Hey guys!" I greet the group.

"Aisha! Hey! We were waiting for you. Did you have a good first day?" Brett responds eagerly. I smile because Brett seems to wear every emotion right out in the open. He is so refreshingly unguarded. He introduces me to the two other boys Colin and Jimmy. They smile easily as we shake hands.

"I did. But your intel did not include anything about the girls' gym teacher expecting me to be some sort of basketball phenom because I'm black" I joke.

"He's the worst. That's why he coaches the girls' teams" Everyone else cracks up at Brett's response but he doesn't get the irony of such blatant sexism after I complained about race stereotypes. He shrugs off our reactions. "Jase here actually won us our game. All he needed was someone to stand undet the net and make a beeping sound. It was amazing. Don't be so modest Radar!" he exclaims punching Jase on the shoulder "You managed to make the team that got stuck with Eli look good" the group cracks up.

"I should be insulted but I don't care" Eli dead pans.

"Radar?" I repeat questioningly.

"My new nick name. Apparently I don't have a choice. Um.. I actually have to get going. My Mum starts to freak out like five minutes after school lets out."

"No problem man. See you tomorrow." Eli says and then blushes at what he imagines is a horrendous faux pas.

"See you guys tomorrow" he replies easily as he unsnaps his cane. We make our way to the car and I apologise for not finding him after gym.

"Don't worry about it. It was nice to hang out with those guys.."He replies.

"Speaking of which. Basketball? I did not peg you for the jock type" I enquire when we are in the car and heading back home.

"I like sports. Luckily the coach and the guys were cool enough to let me try. I was really glad they weren't too freaked out."

I laugh and explain the grand conspiracy of balls to him. Finishing "You are either with me or the balls. Looks like you chose the dark round side" I intone darkly. This cracks Jase up.

He is telling me about his Spanish class with Eli and Brett when we pull into his driveway. I am just about to open my door and walk him to the front door when he smiles and reassures me "Its cool. Tomorrow bright and early okay?" before leaving. I make sure he gets to the front door which he does and sticks out his tongue acknowledging the fact I didn't leave. I giggle and drive home.

Once home I do my homework on the kitchen table before starting on dinner. Marcia comes in at around 6.30 to find me cooking up a storm and singing along to the Rolling Stones playing on the stereo.

"I could kiss you. That smells so good. I'm going to freshen up and I will be down to help and by help I mean eat." I listen to her run up the stairs and start setting the table.

When she comes down she look comfy in workout pants, hoodie and slippers. She sits down and rests her head on the top of the table. I bring the food over- I made chicken curry and rice with salad.

"That bad?" I cluck concerned.

"No. It was good I learned a lot but holy heavens work is hard. No one tells you. University has room for nap breaks and long lunches. My childhood is over isn't it?" she asks glumly.

"No. You are so young. And so pretty" I stroke her hand like she is a house cat. She sticks her tongue out at me.

"What is with people and doing that to me!" I exclaim. As we eat she tells me more about her day. Apparently the job is a lot more involved than just making coffee. She handles press relations, keeps the mayor abreast with legislative initiatives, organises her schedule and travel arrangements and is the mayor's liaison with all the other government offices. Everwood is a small town but the municipality is extremely well funded. I tell her about my day about my excitement at meeting Hannah and my relief that Jase had gotten on so well with the the boys. "I think I might even be looking forward to tomorrow. Apart from gym. I may join the school paper." We are sitting on the couch. My sister is nursing a glass of wine and I am sipping a mug of tea. We were watching project runway before a commercial break prompted me to finish my story. Her phone buzzes and Marcia leaves the living room to pick it up. I pick up the Harper's Bazaar that I was flicking through at the doctors and read the whole blurb attached to our picture. I am shaking my head at the phrase "bright young things" when Marcia comes back in visibly shaken. She sits down stares at the screen intently downing the remnants of her wine glass and not offering any information. "What's up?" I prompt.

She sighs and puts the glass down "That was John- he was letting me know that we are front page news in London and that he thinks American press might start asking questions so he was warning us".

"Oh", We've only been here a week so I am completely at a loss "Why would the Yanks care though. We're barely that interesting in the UK outside London. It's not like we killed our parents.. there really isn't much of a story. I don't think they will find us.." I know I don't sound convincing. I say the words anyway to comfort myself and to comfort her. She bursts into tears anyway. I rub her back in small circles clockwise. The wall come crumbling down and all her pent up grief, rage, fears and stress comes gushing out. She is sobbing and taking deep choking breathes. I continue to rub her back. Small circles always clockwise. My mum did it when we were sick, sad or scared always clockwise. I do it to remind her that as long as we are here they are here. I do it because words wouldn't do anything to help with the feelings that she thought she could control she needs to cry she needs release. I do it because all I can do is remind her that I am here and hope that there is an end to the tears. That when the wall is destroyed and the flood subsided I am still there.

Remember all those pieces I gave you?
When I opened my mouth and spoke them to you
When I opened my legs and squirmed them for you
When I opened my heart and threw them on you
All those pieces that scattered at your feet like so much confetti
The ones you claim you never asked for
The ones I deny I willingly gave
All those pieces litter the ground now
People shuffle through them
Some, impatient, kick them aside
Who can blame them really?
Shiny weightless pointless fragments
Is all confetti is, mere moments after it falls.

London

Whenever I drop coins- I will them to the bowels of the earth,

A gift to the gutter,

I don't thank this place enough.

This place where I stood

alone, abandoned by everything that used to define

me, self to

me, self.

For the growth, the laughter

the heartache, the headaches

the tears, the tears, the fears

the loneliness, the solitude, the company

For being the toughest thing I have ever done

For being the hardest battle barely won

I can't thank this place enough.

Part 7

"Hey. Are you okay? I thought that was fun. Maybe we'll be okay" Jase says.

"Yeah maybe" I kick myself for sounding so obviously miserable.

"What's wrong?" His voice is soft and full of concern. Just like that I know I could lie to him. Just like that I know I want him to know.

"It's just me. It's how I am now I'll be completely fine one moment and miserable the next. It'll all just hit me like someone dropped a lorry right on my chest" I say it tersely because I don't want to cry. Then Jase does the most unexpected and amazing thing. He reaches out and finds my shoulder and then pulls me in for a hug. I am not really much of a hugger but I don't mind with Jase he pats me on the back and says "You're going to be okay. I know it." And I believe him. We walk the rest of the way to his house in silence but the way he grips my elbow lets me know that he is doing that thing where he steadies me as I guide him. At his door we make plans for Marcia and I to give him a lift to school on Monday. I walk home and I think about my Mother and what she would make of this strange new life. When I get home Marcia has exciting news she is going to be the Mayor's assistant. I make eggplant parmesan with my mother's recipe to celebrate. All of a sudden I am exhausted from... everything. Marcia is reading Everwood's civil handbook trying to gauge what her job will entail. I watch mindless television and laugh as she reads out the more ridiculous aspects of Everwood's civic code.

The next morning we get up early and eat breakfast in silence before heading to the doctor's office. Over the years we have spent a lot of time in doctors offices. I was a sick child and Marcia was my big sister who held my hand, made me laughed and diffused the tension when my parents were scared and stressed. I really want to change the dynamic, as we had breakfast she attacked me to feel up my lymph nodes. I want her to know she doesn't have to replace our Mum. That we can still be sisters. I am thinking of how to do this as we sit in the waiting on the room and I flick through Harper's Bazaar.

"Hey we are in that did you see the picture?" Marcia asks as she grabs the magazine out of my hand unceremoniously.

"Uh..no. From the Saatchi gallery thing?" She nods absently as she searches for the picture.

"Here it is- God, it's all of us Dudders, Shiobhan, Tom and us. Those shoes were a mistake." She laughs as she points to my image. I was wearing a pair of clunky Mary Janes. They were awful but I used to be all about sartorial irony especially when it came to those types of events. Over summer the social scene at our old school became a shark tank with everyone angling to see and be seen at all the right events. My parents were a London institution so whether I liked it or not I was always there not seeing but invariably being seen. Marcia and our group of friends were the only things that made the air kisses and false intimacy bred for the sole purpose of making outsiders feel the extent of how left out they were, bearable. People would look at Marcia and I and assume that we felt like we belonged because we were in. Maybe Marcia did but I always had a sneaking suspicion that being on the inside was actually a very comfortable way to be trapped. The photo is everything I will not miss about my old life. I glance over at Marcia, she has a faraway look in her eyes.

"Have you spoken to Dudders?" I ask nudging her softly.

"No. I don't want to talk to John or about John" she whispers. She uses his given name so I know that she means business.

"You have to. He behaved awfully but he is your best friend, your first love and our oldest friend. You owe him a conversation. He deserves a chance to explain himself." I whisper back.

Some people have trouble with confrontation. My sister and I are actually really great at sticking our noses into each other's lives.

"My parents died and he went on a three week bender in Ibiza. Ibiza for heaven's sake where people get fake tanned before going out in the sun unprotected! He didn't call and he missed the funeral. I don't owe that pathetic spineless human being a fucking thing!" She whispers this with such intensity that the whole waiting room can hear. Luckily the whole waiting room holds just one nurse.

"Okay, okay.Duds is still a touchy subject. Don't speak to him. Don't speak about him. Is that it?" I ask.

"He must also be reffered to only as "he who must not be named" or "stinky turd pile" which you choose I leave to your discretion" She jokes smiling weakly.

I smile back and give her a quick side hug. She must be heartbroken but Marcia takes her emotions and she uses them as fuel. I wouldn't be surprised if she is soon the Mayor of this town. She is high octane at this point. I realise she needs me too, more than I realised.

The doctor check up is routine. I go after Marcia since my history means I always need a little bit of special attention. I first got T-cell lymphoma when I was 4 years old. I was 6 before I was in remission. I relapsed when I was 13 and that was another year gone and I have been healthy for 2 years now. The doctor reads my history aloud and I nod to confirm and supply details where he asks for them.

"I'm sure you know all the things that you should be watching for. It's your body so you are the best person to ask. Any concerns at all? Changes?" The doctor asks. He is a kindly man with a gentle voice.

"Well I haven't been sleeping very well and I've lost a bit of weight but I'm sure Marcia told you already that our parents died. We've been under a lot of stress lately but I feel like all that should give me a free pass on the cancer front. That's how it works right? Medically speaking." I joke.

"Well not exactly. Those symptoms can all be traced back to stress and grief but with your medical history we are going to have to run some blood work. Just to be safe. Is that okay?"

"That's fine. Could we keep it between the two of us though? Any chance you could call me instead of Marcia with the results?"

"Of course. Your sister isn't your legal guardian so we can contact you. Can I ask why?"

"It's a dynamic thing. She wants to mother me I think that she lost her Mum too and shouldn't have to become one. Or something." I explain inarticulately.

To his credit Dr.Black laughs. We makes conversation as he draws blood. Before I walk out of the office I take off the band aid making sure there is nothing on me that could arouse Marcia's suspicion.

When we get home I head to my room to do some more unpacking- Marcia had one of the walls painted in chalkboard paint in a deep magenta and I put up posters, pictures of my friends, poems I have written or love and academic awards. I also set up some shelves so they are ready when my books arrive with the rest of our stuff. I am taking inventory to make sure I have school supplies for tomorrow when Marcia comes in.

"This looks fantastic. I told you that wall was a good idea."

"Hey I only had doubts about delegating a paint job to someone an ocean away from us but Kevin did a really good job."

"And I found Kevin" She replies smugly making my roll my eyes very obviously in her direction, "What do you want to do for dinner today?" She asks fingering the throw cushions on my chaise lounge.

"Um.. food?" I respond.

"It's the day before school starts. The last day of summer hols. Remember?" She asks.

Of course I remember. At the end of summer usually the night before we had to head back up to school my Dad would take us all out for a really nice dinner. We would dress up, he would toast and we would just talk, eat and laugh all through the night. Every year no matter where we were or whatever was going on with us we would always do it. Those are the moments that I would point to if anyone wanted to see my family to know why we all loved each other. We were all at our best those nights. Of course I remember.

"Yeah.. I remember. I didn't know if we were doing that this year" I reply

"I think we should. We need to hold on to the traditions right? I mean sometimes I'm scared that the sadness will swallow up all the good parts. I'm not going to let that happen" she declares.

"This may be one of the few things outside of your control Marsh, sorry" Marcia acutely feels the injustice of not being able to control everything.

"I know but I have to do something. I can't just be passive. Will you come do this with me? Please?" I can hear the tears in her voice. I keep my back to her when I answer.

"Of course Marsh. Make reservations at Everwood's finest dining establishment. Maybe that pancake house we saw on the highway?" My voice is falsely cheerful.

"Already did. We'll leave at 7 okay" I simply nod. She leaves me to finish unpacking.

I unpack for a little bit longer before giving up. I pull out my laptop and write an email to my friend Siobhan. I let her know that we landed safely and are settling in well. I include a few gossipy details about the teen male residents of Everwood because I know that this sort of thing is Siobhan's heroin. She sees the potential for romance everywhere and I can't help but pander to my target audience a little bit. I start to get ready for the evening after a quick shower. I choose a black long sleeved top with a deep "V" neck, a silver chiffon tulip skirt some black tights and a modest pair of heels. I pull on my favourite necklace- it has multiple strands of silver chains with multi coloured stones and a pair of studs.

Everwood's finest dining establishment turns out to be a cosy Italian that is barely open because it is the off season for skiing. We sit down and all of a sudden there is nothing to say. Without our parents this dinner seems like a sham. A forced sham- the very worst kind of shambolic enterprise. Our conversation was forced of overly chipper on Marcia's side and terse and monosyllabic on mine. Marcia attempted to order a bottle of champagne but at 20 she was too young to drink state side. She had obviously not considered this and the murderous glint that her eyes had showed this information had pushed her too the brink. In a last ditch effort to salvage her evening I raised my glass of lemonade and cleared my throat "To Mum and Dad. Because this dinner sucks without them. Because it will suck without them. Because it should very well suck without them. Because we love them and miss them" I toast.

"Cheers" Marcia smiles as she clinks glasses with me "So.. that bad, huh?"

"Worse. Can we please go- I have school tomorrow and I told Jase that we would give him a lift".

"Sure. Sure. Thanks for coming though. It means a lot that you will endure my horrendously bad ideas" She says as she signals for the bill.

"It wasn't a terrible idea. Maybe because of this next year will be easier... at least you will be old enough to buy us some booze" I relent.

Part 6

"Okay, I'm off to find a means of supporting us my beloved dependant. Can I trust you to feed and water yourself?" Marcia trills cheerfully as she enters my bedroom.

Grunting as I wake up "Hey- are you just going to walk around with your CV?" I ask groggily.

"That's the plan." She starts rifling in my drawers.

"What are you looking for?"

"Do you have that blue twinset Mum got you- I am going for a young republican aesthetic." She murmurs distractedly.

"No such thing. Also- I think your aesthetic is conservative enough" It isn't really a secret that my sister has been dressing like a thirty year old sloane ranger since she was twelve. I peek out from under the covers appraising the outfit she is wearing. It is a crisp white shirt, charcoal tailored trousers, a beautiful pair of slate Ferragamo court shoes that I have been trying to steal, a black cardigan and the obligatory pearls.

"Maybe.." I stall trying to find a delicate way to express myself "Maybe, you should tone down the luxury brands. We are trying to fit in here you could look a little less...expensive?" I shudder inwardly "That sounded horrible, didn't it?"

"Yes it did. Look, these are my clothes. We're changing where we live not who we are, okay?"

"Okay" I reply not really bothered to push the issue.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I yell at her retreating figure which carries with it half of my cosmetics and accessories across the hall to her room.

"No. Hang out. Rest up before school. I got us an appointment with the local doctor for tommorow."

I hear her jogging down the stairs. My talented sister can run down the stairs in six inch heels. I roll around and sleep for another one and a half hours luxuriating in the sheets. I get up and get some cereal do some unpacking. Just as the silence is beginning to feel oppressive my cell phone rings and I fly up the stairs to pick it up.

"Hello?" I answer breathlessly not checking the caller ID.

"Hey. It's Jason. Jase, from yesterday?" he sounds nervous.

"Hey Jase of course I remember. How's it going?"

"I'm pretty bored actually. Everyone is still unpacking and I am just tripping over stuff getting in the way"

"Uh.. Do you want to come over?" I ask keeping my voice casual but willing him to say yes.

"Sure!" he responds a bit too quickly and a bit too enthusiastically. I smile, he must be really bored.

"Cool- see you soon" I hang up without waiting for a response and quickly shower, brush my teeth and quickly throw on some clothes. I have just finished making my bed when the doorbell rings. I run down to answer it- standing in the doorway are Jase and a very tall good looking man who I assume is his older brother.

"Hi", he flashes a truly dazzling smile, "I'm Jase's brother Arnold and you must be the girl he was raving about last night"

"Really he raved as in raving lunatic raved? Wow, I am flattered" I make sure there are no hard edges to my voice so Jase knows I am just kidding.

"Okay wow. All this humiliation first thing in the morning. Thanks for the escort brother please assure mother that I made my way slowly and carefully across the super dangerous street and arrived safely" He says nudging his brother back out of the door.

"Um okay but does she know how to.. you know?"

"If you say take care of me I will punch you in the throat" Jase murmurs darkly.

"We'll be okay. I'm a well trained monkey" I joke.

"Okay then you'll bring him home?"

"He will be home at a reasonable hour" Jase assures him.

"Okay. Have fun and um.. use protection." he quips as he leaves.

Jase has turned an amazing shade of beetroot.

"I know he was joking. Don't worry about it." I reassure him realising that I am rather hot and bothered as well "Come in?"

"Uh yeah" he coughs. I can tell he is trying to shake off his embarrassment at what his brother said.

We make our way into the living room. Thanks to his brother there is now a strange current between us. Yesterday it was easy today his touch against my elbow is charged. Everything is heightened.

"So, unless you just came over so we can be bored together, like, solidarity or whatever we need to figure out something to do" I declare knowing that we cannot sit and stew in the awkwardness.

" Uh well from what I hear Everwood doesn't really have that much to offer beyond the cafe we went to yesterday and an arcade but I did want to find out the extent of our musical compatibility. Matchbox twenty was a promising start but I need to know more." His smile is teasing and I am totally drawn in.

"So what do you propose Mr...."

"Goodman. We are the Goodmans."

"I think you mean Goodmen" He smiles at my weak joke "We are the Ogilvys nice to meet you. But to your plan; What is it?"

"Well- I brought this" He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his Ipod "I was thinking we could play a little game of shuffle roulette. You put your IPod on shuffle and we listen to five songs. Those five songs should tell us all we need to know about eachother."

"So it's not a game- no points no winner.." I clarify.

"I guess not but it is revelatory. And fun."

"Sounds good I have my speakers upstairs in my room- let's go"

Once we are in my room I lead Jase to the bed and watch to make sure he's okay as he situates himself.

"It's a bed, not a minefield. I don't like it when people hover around me. If I need help I'll ask for it, okay?" He smiles patiently. Obviously he has had to give this little speech before.

"Okay. Who should go first?"

"Ladies first"

I find my Ipod in my handbag which is still stuffed with magazines, bottled water and other travelling supplies, plug it into the speaker dock before sitting on the bed next to Jase.

The first song is the broadway cast of the Lion King performing "They live in you". I glance at Jase's expression he is barely concealing his smirk.

"You don't like the Lion King?" I protest.

"I did when I was five" he responds.

"Well I love the show. I've seen it an embarrassing number of times. Now you know my geek secrets- I love musical theatre and comic books."

"I told you- revelatory"

The next few songs on my Ipod are a violin piece I had been trying to learn, Fight test by the Flaming lips, Pursuit of happiness by Kid Cudi and Tiny dancer by Elton John. At the end of five songs I hit pause and turn to Jase.

"So?" I ask

"Well now I hazard a guess and then you explain. Um the first one has something to do with the musical theatre right? You are super into classical music as well. Maybe even Opera. The second one tells me we do have more in common- I really like that song too. Kid Cudi, I'm impressed it means you like rap but you don't like to have your ears assaulted by thoughtless crap lyrics and Tiny Dancer umm yeah we all liked Almost Famous"

"You've seen Almost Famous?" Surprise makes me blurt out the question before I realise how insensitive it is.

"Well I haven't seen it I heard it. It was good. So how close was I?"

"The first one actually has to do with the fact that I play the violin. Not very well but I needed to learn that piece for a recital as school. I don't really have that much classical music on my Ipod. Fight test, I really like that song not sure if I can explain it further. Kid Cudi yes I like rap but Its not that suprising, I'm black. I uh didn't know if you knew that..."

I trail off because Jase is laughing very hard.

"What?" I ask throwing a pillow at him.

"I'm sorry it's just the stealthy way that you just tried to tell me that you were black. Hilarious"

"Shut up." But I cannot help laughing along. "I am stealthy, like a ninja" I defend myself"Okay whatever. Lets hear yours." I grab his Ipod put it into the dock and press play.

The songs are Busted by Matchbox twenty, This way by Dilated Peoples, Generation by Emerson Hart, Another Day from RENT and The Kid's don't stand a chance by Vampire Weekend.

"Okay well. The first song shows that you really are a matchbox twenty fan. This way by dilated people shows that you are into conscious rap as well. You are sooo busted by the song for rent obviously I am not the only fan of musical theatre sitting on this bed and Vampire weekend I saw them live in London. Love them. All in all a faultless and compatible selection" I conclude.

"You really lack the killer instinct to play this game" He chuckles.

"I guess I do. I actually kind of hate the whole music snobbery thing. Music is this intensely personal thing. We can't really judge that stuff. So thanks for showing me you" I smile at him even though I know he can't see me.

"Yeah- um I agree. Thanks for showing me you too." He says and as if he can hear it in my voice he smiles at me in reply.

"So now I am hungry- how about lunch at Nina's?" I offer.

"Sounds good."

Once we are outside I realise that he doesn't have his cane. " Do you need your cane? We could stop by your place and pick it up?" I offer.

"Actually it draws a lot of attention and you were really good yesterday.You don't mind do you?" he asks shifting his weight nervously.

"Of course not but if you fall can I absolve myself from liability right now" I make a little sign I meant to approximate absolution.

"What was that?" he cocks his head questioningly.

"It was my uh gesture of uh absolution" with every word it dawns on me how absolutely insane I must sound.

"You are a strange girl. Do you know that?" He asks nudging me playfully. I am sure he was aiming for my ribs but instead his elbow connects with my breast. I yelp in pain.

"Oh shit! I am so sorry. Are you okay? Was that your um... your um..."

"My breast? Yes" My voice is already calm. It didn't hurt that badly it was the surprise more than anything.

"You know that I didn't. That I wasn't aiming for your um.."

"My breast? I know that you are blind and therefore could not possibly have been "aiming" for anything. Whether or not you were guesstimating the location of my breast we will never know but no harm no foul. My baby can feed from the other one." By now we are both in fits of hysterical laughter.

"Unless you have twins" He is laughing so hard his breathe is coming in short ragged rasps. His teeth are perfect and his neck is tense and a flush is caressing the back of it slowly moving up.

I take a few deep breathes to ease my cramping stomach.

"We're here- step up" I gasp.

I lead us to the same table as yesterday and spot Brett and Eli sitting at a nearby table.

"Hey guys!" I call over to them.

Brett immediately comes over to our table.

"Hey Aisha. It's good to see you again. Exploring the many awesome things Everwood has to offer are we?"

"Why yes we are. This is Jase. He's my neighbour and a fellow new kid in town. Jase this is Brett."

"Hey" Jase nods vaguely in Brett's direction. He has tensed up and his shoulders are hunched as if he is bracing or protecting himself.

"Hey" Brett responds looking quizzically at Jase. He isn't wearing sunglasses and his eyes are perfectly normal, beautiful even a clear green, but they are unfocused. Brett can't tell he is blind but he's probably wondering what is off about him.

"Do you mind if we join you? We could warn you about what to expect. School starts in like 3 days you guys must be wondering about it. Luckily for you I am the guy in the know. An invaluable first hand resource." Brett lays it on thick but I like that. He is charming and energetic and kind of shallow.

"Sure sit down. Hey Eli! Do you want to join us?" Eli smirks and joins us at the table. I shift to sit near Jase hoping it will make him feel more comfortable. I squeeze his hand as I slide into the booth. He smiles and I know that it is for me. The conversation is slow as we all feel eachother out .Jase warms a bit but there is an awkward moment early on when they discover he is blind.

"Where is the bathroom?" He asks as he nudges me to slide out of the booth.

"I'll take you", I offer.

At this point Brett and Eli probably just think we are off to make out or something but then Jase pulls his cane out of the waistband of his jeans (so he did have it! I note) and we make our way to the bathroom.

"I'll wait outside" I say when we get to the door.

"I don't actually need to go I just thought the cat needed to be let out the bag. The sooner they ask the questions and we deal with the awkwardness the sooner we can all be friends or they can react like total asshats and we can all not be friends. They seem like good guys though"

"Let's find out shall we" I reply as we head back.

When we get back to the table the silence is incredibly awkward. Eli is staring intently at the floor and Brett's mouth is slightly open.

"So yeah I'm blind" Jase deadpans.

Suddenly I can't help it. The laughter starts from a place that has nothing at all to do with the present situation. It starts from the absurdity of my childhood spent in hospitals all around the world, to my parents, to Jase having to deal with this every time he meets someone, to all of us walking wounded. Life is all of a sudden very hilarious. I laugh until tears stream down my face and until I am snorting like a farm animal. The boys just stare at eachother dumbfounded until Jase cracks up and all of a sudden we are all laughing because really what is not to laugh at in this situation?

"That was so fantastically awkward- it needs to be a scene on the office or arrested development. One of those cringe humour shows" I gasp.

"Dude we had no idea! I thought you wanted to talk to her or something or worst case scenario that you needed, i don't know, help" Brett flounders

This sets us off again.

"Help?" Eli exclaims "You are an idiot"

"So uh what happened? Were you born like that or?" Brett asks.

Eli chokes on his coffee "You don't have to answer that if you, you know, don't want to. Brett was born without a tact gland"

"I don't mind actually. It makes things very uncomfortable when people have questions that they just won't ask I was sighted until I was seven and then I got sick and that short circuited the part of my brain that um...sees."

The boy nod and I decide to change the topic by asking Brett about school gossip.

The next few hours fly by. We eat chips (french fries) and the boys drink milkshakes. Eli actually has a great sense of wry humour. Turns out he lived in New York until he was ten and he moved to Everwood. Once we are over the initial tension it turns out we all have a lot in common. Eli and I both play classical instruments. Brett and Jase both love sports. Eli is a little awkward around Jase he apologises every time he uses a visual verb. Jase stops him after the third time and threatens to punish him for killing an entire set of words from the English language. They tell us all about Everwood High.

"Wait wait wait. It sounds like the plot of every teen comedy. You know, before the girl takes off her glasses and is a total bombshell" I tease.

"That is exactly what it is like only without the clever dialogue and pop culture references" Eli murmurs darkly.

"The girl's aren't as hot" Brett adds with his mouth full of french fries my spontaneous response to this is to glare at Brett.

"I hate that, likening girls to temperatures. It's gross."

"I like being scolded by the English accent by the way. Also why would it upset you you are way hot."

"She is?" Jase asks.

"She is sitting right here. She also has to go because she wanted to make her sister dinner." I pronounce hopping to put an end to this particular line of conversation.

"She definitely is. She is also using her angry English accent which may be better than her scolding one." Brett laughs and holds his hand up for a high five. "Come on man don't leave me hanging!"

After a beat Jase responds "Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah man c'mon don't leave a brother hanging- give me five" Brett insists. Eli and I exchange amused glances.

"Uh yeah I'm blind dude- We are not going to have a high five-ing type of relationship, sadly" A half smile plays on his lip as he lowers his head in faux remorse.

"I can live with that" Brett replies easily.

As I walk home with Jase I realise that it was fun, the most I I have had since the accident. And I cannot help but hate myself for daring to enjoy myself.