I remember;

We sat on the couch and lost ourselves

but I watched your hand and tracked its movement south

As a girl who was good this was required of me

willing myself to want to stop it

and

willing myself to get lost, properly

fully,

hopelessly,

To be beyond reason, shame and self.

To jump,

to surrender.

I was further away from my childhood bedroom and it's lavender walls than I ever had been-

I could swear, looking back on it now,

The sky seemed bigger.