part 18

"Brett asked me out for next weekend" Hannah declares excitedly. The afternoon passed quickly and we are now in our room changing to head out for the show. Hannah is sitting on the bed painting her nails as I help her straighten her hair. Jase and I gave her our present while we had coffee when we got back from shopping. Her whole outfit is laid out on her bed and it looks great but she could have worn a burlap sack tonight and have looked fantastic. She is glowing.

"I hope you said yes. The two of you need to get together like, yesterday" I laugh.

"I did but.." She trails off uncertainly.

"What?" I ask absent mindedly looking for something to clip off sections of her hair.

"I mean. It doesn't make any sense at all. Why would he like me?" She asks timidly focusing intensely on her nails.

"Why wouldn't he like you Hannah? You are hilarious, kind and smart. And good looking." I answer easily. I catch her rolling her eyes.

"It just... I don't get it" She finishes awkwardly.

"You don't have to get it. Just enjoy it" I smile.

"Right because I seem capable of not over analysing everything" She smiles.

"Right" I agree "And you are going to look fantastic. Slip on your dress while I figure out my hair situation. You are going to love where we are having dinner tonight. The guy was on top chef", I explain knowing that Top chef is one of our shared tv passions.

"Awesome!" She exclaims. I examine myself critically in the mirror. Given the lack of sleep and the crying I have done today I look okay. I rummage in my bag for the make up bag I rarely use and give myself a touch up of paint before deciding to wear my hair up. I throw on my black shift dress, shrunken velvet blazer and silver wedge heels add some accessories and I am ready to go. Hannah and I snap some pictures in the hotel room before we head out because half the fun is getting ready. We step into the lounge to find Eli and Brett playing video games while Jase seems engrossed in something on his computer. I approach him and gently tap his shoulder. He doesn't seem as startled as he should be- he just calmly pulls off his earphones.

"Are you guys ready?" He asks pleasantly locating his cane and turning off his computer.

This prompts Brett and Eli to turn around. Brett looks like his eyes might roll out of their sockets as he drinks in every detail of how Hannah looks.

"Hannah, you are so beautiful" He says it reverently. Hannah looks like she is loving every minute of it but just smiles and says a shy thank you.

Brett cannot seem to take his eyes off of her.

"You look amazing Aisha" Eli pipes up. Eli was just trying to give me a nice compliment but it just kind of awkwardly punctuates the fact that my boyfriend cannot see me.

"Thanks Eli! Let's hit the town shall we?" As we are headed down the hall we see Amy hovering in the lobby pacing nervously.

"Hey Guys!" She spots us and runs over.

"Amy, I thought you went home? Mum and Dad are waiting for you?" Brett demands.

"Um actually they sent me back. I realized how awful I was to all of you last night and I just wanted to come back and apologise. Aisha you did this amazing thing for Hannah and you were nice enough to invite me I just felt a bit out of my element and I lashed out. I am so sorry- this is to everyone; for ruining your evening." Amy seems sincere.

Hannah just stares at Amy with her mouth slightly open. I begin to move away to give them some privacy when Hannah just lashes out.

"Are you sorry for disappearing for the last year? For being impossible to be around? For pushing away the people who care about you or is this apology limited to this weekend? For turning my birthday into the latest episode of the Amy show. Because it's all about you, right? I should forgive you because I am lucky enough to have you as a friend?" Hannah asks barely concealing her disgust.

"No. I mean I was going through some stuff I'm sorry I couldn't stop to hang out" Amy retorts defensively.

"Oh please Amy you were so wrapped up in your misery you couldn't even see that there were all these people around you wanting to help you. Whatever. I accept your "apology". We're going to go now. Let's go guys!" She demands leading us all to the minivan.

We pile into the car in silence.

"I'm sorry for the scene. Let's just enjoy tonight, okay?" She asks.

We do have fun. The food is delicious, the play was moving and the boys were perfect gentlemen the whole night. We decided to cut the cake back at the hotel room. I head to Marcia's room to grab the cupcakes bouquet we decided to buy instead of birthday cake.

"Wow. So that Amy is interesting" Marcia says as we walk back to the room. I am carrying the box of cupcakes and she is holding a bag full of napkins and party hats.

"That she is" I shrug non comitally. It's really easy for all of us to judge Amy but she used to be someone that Hannah really liked and maybe it's just tough for her to get back there. I don't know her so I'm just going to follow Hannah's lead. We enter the suite to find Eli, Brett and Jase chatting idly in the lounge while Amy and Hannah have a heated discussion on the balcony. Marcia and I exchange confused glances before setting up the cupcakes on the table. I sit on Jase's lap and his hands settle around my waist.

"Was Amy just hanging out by the room waiting for us to get back? We were gone for like 5 hours." I note.

"I think she was. Maybe you should just get them and we can eat the cake. They don't seem to be getting anywhere" Brett suggests. Biting back the temptation to remind them that they could have broken up the argument before Marcia and I got back to the room I head to the balcony gently sliding open the door just in time to hear Amy calling Hannah a bitch. Hannah lunges at Amy but I grab her arm and pull her back.

"Woah guys. Let's go inside and have some cake and tomorrow we'll just head back and put this disaster of a weekend behind us" I suggest wearily.

We head in silently and remain silent all through the most joyless and awkward birthday cake cutting ever. After she has distributed the cupcakes Hannah takes hers to the girls bedroom and slams the door. Brett follows her timidly. Amy sighs and slumps on to the couch where Eli joins her so Jase and I head to the boys' bedroom.

I let Jase enter the room first and wait for him to settle on his bed before joining him. He takes off his sunglasses and collapses his cane placing them both on the bedside table. He leans back on the headboard and wearily shuts his eyes. I fit into his arms and snuggle against his chest. He feels solid and warm and all I want to do is spend another night with him and wake up like this. Maybe we shouldn't have spent the night together. Clearly you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube and now we are one step further and we can never go back to holding hands.

"Urgh! What a drama-fest. This weekend was such a bad idea" I declare tiredly.

"Hey I loved next to normal and I had fun hanging out with you and everyone. Amy and Hannah will work it out" He sighs.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask, closing my eyes as I relax.

“Shoot,” He answers easily, I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Why do you wear the sunglasses?” I ask.

“My eyes have kind of forgotten how to regulate light. Like when you step out of a dimly lit room and you have to squint while you adjust? I don’t which means I can damage my eyes or get random headaches. It kind of helps with identification as well and people get creeped out when you don’t make eye contact with them so it just stops me being worried I seem rude or am making someone feel uncomfortable. Why do you ask?” He asks tilting his head toward me.

“I’ve just always wondered and I’ve never had a blind person handy who I could ask” I yawn.

“Glad I can be of service” His chest rumbles under me as he chuckles gently.

“I’m going to go check on Hannah”, I tell Jase as I get up, stretch and head to the door. The door to the girls bedroom is locked. Instead of knocking I take the hint and head back to the boys bedroom.

“I think I have to sleep here. Brett and Hannah locked the door. I can’t say I’m upset” I giggle. I head into the bathroom to wash off my make up. I slip out of my clothes and underwear and carefully fold them into a neat pile covering myself a towel instinctually before heading back into the room. Jase is bent over his suitcase his head lifts when he hears me enter the room.

“Here you can sleep in this” He hands me a t-shirt with raised bumps over it.

“Thanks. What does it say?” I run my fingers over the braille after I put on the t-shirt.

“It says Hunter School track and field team, it’s from my old school” He approaches me with his hand stretched out when his fingers make contact with my hand he steps around me and heads for the bathroom his hand ghosting the wall.

I hop into bed glad that it is queen size and not lacking in pillows. Jase comes back and timidly approaches the bed pausing when he is standing right beside it.

“Which side are you on?” He asks. He sounds tired.

Instead of answering I gently tug him into the bed pulling him down beside me. I gently stroke his chest in what I hope is a soothing fashion.

“I love you Jase” I say. Glad to be the one to say it first this time.

“I love you too,” He replies.

We talk idly about nothing. Jase falls asleep first and then, lulled by the gentle sounds of his breathing and the rhythmic movement of his chest, I do to.

The ride home is uneventful. Hannah and Amy manage to coexist in a frosty silence that lasts the whole ride back to Everwood. The rest of us make conversation over their terse silence, pretending not to notice it. We drop off Amy and Brett first. Amy just picks up her bag and stalks into the car. Brett exchanges hugs and jokes lightly with all of us before kissing Hannah goodbye and heading inside. I turn to Jase and throw him a knowing look; being met with his unfocused gaze makes me feel pretty stupid. I feel even more stupid when Marcia throws me an understanding smile through the rear-view mirror. We drop off Eli next and then Hannah. It is getting late so the goodbyes are quick. Next Jase and his brother and finally, Marcia and I get home.

“I’ll put the kettle on” I declare as we approach the front door. The end of my sentence is lost in a yelp of surprise when I recognize who is sitting on our front porch.

“Dudders?! What the hell are you doing here?” I rush into his arms and give him a huge hug remembering only that he is our oldest friend and not that he has behaved appallingly.

“What the fuck?!” Marcia yells her voice full of venom and disgust I cringe hearing my sister swearing behind me.

“Look Marcia. I have been sleeping here for two days waiting for you to get back so I could apologize for disappearing on you. My behaviour was vile and contemptous but you have to believe that I still care about you. That I love you” He finishes.

I want to excuse myself and head into the house but I am frozen in place my mouth slightly open. I don’t think I have ever seen Marcia look so furious, disappointed and so utterly heartbroken.

“Love? You love me? I’m surprised you can even use that word. I thought for certain that having a soul was a pre-requisite for its use in this context. Where was the love John? Show me one thing that your love did for me when I really needed it. Show me?” She demands pushing past him using the weight of her suitcase and standing by the door. She laughs almost haughtily at his lack of response.

“Right. I thought so. Please take your love and bugger off you fucking fuck fuck face” She declares as she unlocks the door and slams it loudly as she enters.

Dudders and I look at each other and both stifle the laughs bubbling up inside us.

“I really ruined this, didn’t I?” He asks. His shoulders slump and although his voice is lighthearted I see the tears in his eyes.

“You did you giant idiot. Were you really in Ibiza?” I ask.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t. I should have been there.” His expression is sheepish and his explanation is so half baked that I get a sudden flash of what my sister must be feeling. I want to punch him; right in the nose.

“Well, it was nice to see you again. I would invite you in for some tea but we had a long trip in we were in Boulder for a friend’s birthday. We need some sleep. A speech may work in the movies but you couldn't possibly believe it was going to be that easy. Goodnight Duds” I rush up the stairs. He grabs the door preventing me from closing it.

“Tell her I am not going anywhere. I’m here and I am staying until she speaks to me” He insists.

"Goodnight", I repeat wearily gently shutting the door. Marcia is in her bedroom she doesn't respond when I knock. I can hear her sobs through the door although I know she has stuffed her face into a pillow to muffle the sound. She doesn't like anyone to know when she cries over a guy. I pause at the door for what must be a full minute before heading to my room. I have a quick shower and slip into the t-shirt Jase lent me for the night. I have no intention of ever returning it to him.

The next morning comes faster than anyone would have liked. I get ready for school half asleep. Marcia and I are both running late so we skip breakfast and I only get a quick glimpse at her as she slips into the van and heads to work ignoring Dudders' attempts to speak to her.

"Did you spend the night in the garden?" I ask him as I approach my car. He is standing in the driveway staring despondently at Marcia speeding off.

"I told you I wasn't leaving" He says.

"Okay. Well, I have school. If I leave you here to shower do you promise not to trash the place?" I ask jokingly as I hand him the key.

"No guarantees" He deadpans.

"Guest room is downstairs. Food in the fridge. We'll talk when I get back but if Marcia kicks you out that is it. I can't help you. So improve on your speech" I enter the car.

"Thanks" He says.