She rushes to the sink and splashes cold water on her face vigorously trying to get her emotions under control. I just watch her for a second before grabbing some paper towels from the dispenser and silently handing them to her.
"Thanks" she sniffles wiping her glasses on her sleeve before putting them back on her face.
"Anytime" I return my voice full of concern. Another silence. I'm about to cave and ask her what happened when she slumps on to the floor and buries her head in her hands. Cringing at the thought of the number of germs that must make their happy homes on bathroom floors I join her, patting her arm awkwardly.
"What's wrong Hannah?" I ask.
"It is so stupid," she pauses taking a deep wet breathe "I was really hoping that my parents would come down for my birthday. My Dad seemed to be doing okay and I really wanted to see them. So I get a call from my Mum and he relapsed and she can't come without him and so I'm stuck alone. On my 16th birthday just because my stupid junkie Dad couldn't hold it together for a few more days.." She trails off her voice is hard and bitter but I've never seen my friend look so fragile. She looks like her insides have been scrubbed raw. The contrast is shocking. We've talked about her parents before. We've talked about my parents before and every now and again I've caught glimpses of how much the whole situation hurts her. I mentally kick myself for not being a better friend. For being so caught up in my own drama I forgot to ask about how she was doing with everything.
"We could throw a party" I blurt out without even thinking. Hannah just stares at me with an expression that is slowly warming from tragically heart broken to bemused. I think this is a good sign.
"For your birthday. We could have it at mine- invite the whole group Brett, Amy, Eli and Jase could bring along some hotties from the track team. I may even be able to bribe my sister into getting us some champers to toast you with. Music, dancing- it would be fun...." I finish lamely staring at the tiled floor. What is wrong with me? I squeeze her hand and begin to get up of the floor before continuing.
"This Saturday. Invite everyone you want and I will take care of everything. Do you want a ride home? I'm taking Jase.." I offer her my hands and she grunts as she heaves herself off the floor.
"A party, huh?" She smiles slowly clearly warming to the idea.
"Do you want to talk about your Dad and stuff? I'm here to listen Hannah. Anytime." I tell her. She just nods.
We find Jase standing awkwardly in the middle of the corridor.
"Where were you?" He asks with more than a tinge of irritation in his voice. He pulls his hand away when I try to take it.
"We um," I falter when Hannah shoots me a nervous look "I'm sorry. We got caught up in bathroom gossip", I amend giving Hannah a reassuring smile.
"Aisha is throwing me a birthday party", Hannah chirps. I can tell Jase hears the false note in her voice but he lets it go. He snaps open his cane and heads toward the car him not wanting to be lead is a pretty clear sign that he will want a proper apology and explanation later on. I sigh gesturing to Hannah that we should get to the car.
The journey home is awkward as hell. Hannah tries to keep up the conversation with her bizarre Mary Poppins impression, Jase replies in barely audible grunts and I am for the most part silent bracing myself for the coming fight. We drop Hannah off and I drive for a bit before pulling to the side of the road.
"Why did you stop?" Jase asks. I was expecting him to sound angry, he just sounds tired and kind of sad.
"I didn't want to be driving when we fought. It's like the plot of a cheesy RnB music video where they fight and get into a car crash and one of them dies and you would have to like scream at the sky wearing white billowing pants" I explain, he doesn't even crack a smile.
"I understand if you want to hang out with your friends instead of dragging around some blind guy but you should let me know so I can make other arrangements" His voice is flat. The sound terrifies me more than what he is saying.
"Um.. what? Hannah needed to talk. She was really upset. I'm sorry I kept you waiting but there is no way you actually believe I think of you as just some blind guy" I pinch the bridge of my nose as I answer.
"What do you think of me as?" He asks.
"My boyfriend", I answer immediately.
"Your secret boyfriend?" He asks
"Secret? I told Hannah, My sister and I even told Eli since I saw him the day after our date. I could take out an ad in the paper if you like..." I stop since his whole expression tells me he feels like a total jackass. We sit in total silence when I suddenly think I understand.
"Am I your first girlfriend?" I ask.
"You are the first girl who has ever liked me like this and I am just not sure why you do.." He trails off squirming in his seat like a little boy.
"So you are freaking out?" I ask with a smile I hope he can hear in my voice.
"A little" He answers. The squirming lessens slightly.
"I am too", I admit.
"I mean our date it was great", He enthuses.
"Perfect", I interject.
"No awkward silences. We laughed. We talked forever. We kissed goodnight but the whole time I kept thinking.. what next?" He sounds genuinely puzzled.
"I have no idea how to be a girlfriend" I burst out laughing.
"I have no idea how to be your boyfriend" He echoes.
"It's not just that. It's you. I really do not want to screw up. For the first time I really care about the outcome" I admit.
"I feel the same way" He sighs.
"So our first fight is about how much we like each other?We really suck at this." I joke.
"I don't care if you screw up. I can take it, we're going to make mistakes. I'm in this" Jase states solemnly.
I lean in and kiss him.
"Thank you" I whisper and he pulls me in for a hug and holds me for a long time.
"Next time I'm going to keep you waiting I'll send you a text" I say.
"Um no you don't have to. That was actually really pathetic of me. You have full permission to punch me the next time I get so down on myself. I avoid self pity like ebola" He explains.
"Deal" I agree pulling in for another kiss.
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