There was a boy a boy who filled all the space in my tiny studio
Whose grotty rucksack filled my one room with strange
boy- manly bits and bobs
Every corner overpowered by his
boy-manly smell

His hands moved when he spoke
Urging me to pay attention
to follow along
to respond
He leaned forward when I spoke
His hands still
but still drawing out my words
They ran to him
Leapt into his waiting hands
still but beckoning
My words like neglected puppies.

There was a boy, a boy who took up all the room
Who touched me without asking
Without hesitation as if referencing some prior agreement
Like my body was nothing more than an extension of his
to give pleasure and to take it
I have never wanted to belong to anyone
But I co opted my body and we owned them both jointly
My skin flushed at my touch
His breathe quickened with his kiss
His breast and my hand and my dick and his lips and it was all
a jumble

There was a boy who took up all the room
and filled everything with a thing that I never knew existed
A thing that made me want to open up and open wide and let it all in
brimming and gagging
Wipe the excess of my face with the back of my hand smiling indulgently at the waste
at the abundance.
I couldn't stop smiling even in the dark
My feet pressed lightly against his- confirming
As we shared secrets and dreams and plans
And listened to eachothers breathing and teased
Giggling
I could not stop smiling because it felt like the beginning of everything
I never knew to hope for
Of what life was meant to be like.

And he sent out three words
emissaries in the dark that held in them
A promise and a prison and hope and a tremor of uncertainty
Their weightlessness took my breath away.

There was a boy who left behind so many empty spaces
and I knew through him how awful and lonely this world can be
Before I didn't know any better
How do you thank someone for a lesson that cannot be unlearned?