Part 6

"Okay, I'm off to find a means of supporting us my beloved dependant. Can I trust you to feed and water yourself?" Marcia trills cheerfully as she enters my bedroom.

Grunting as I wake up "Hey- are you just going to walk around with your CV?" I ask groggily.

"That's the plan." She starts rifling in my drawers.

"What are you looking for?"

"Do you have that blue twinset Mum got you- I am going for a young republican aesthetic." She murmurs distractedly.

"No such thing. Also- I think your aesthetic is conservative enough" It isn't really a secret that my sister has been dressing like a thirty year old sloane ranger since she was twelve. I peek out from under the covers appraising the outfit she is wearing. It is a crisp white shirt, charcoal tailored trousers, a beautiful pair of slate Ferragamo court shoes that I have been trying to steal, a black cardigan and the obligatory pearls.

"Maybe.." I stall trying to find a delicate way to express myself "Maybe, you should tone down the luxury brands. We are trying to fit in here you could look a little less...expensive?" I shudder inwardly "That sounded horrible, didn't it?"

"Yes it did. Look, these are my clothes. We're changing where we live not who we are, okay?"

"Okay" I reply not really bothered to push the issue.

"Do you want me to come with you?" I yell at her retreating figure which carries with it half of my cosmetics and accessories across the hall to her room.

"No. Hang out. Rest up before school. I got us an appointment with the local doctor for tommorow."

I hear her jogging down the stairs. My talented sister can run down the stairs in six inch heels. I roll around and sleep for another one and a half hours luxuriating in the sheets. I get up and get some cereal do some unpacking. Just as the silence is beginning to feel oppressive my cell phone rings and I fly up the stairs to pick it up.

"Hello?" I answer breathlessly not checking the caller ID.

"Hey. It's Jason. Jase, from yesterday?" he sounds nervous.

"Hey Jase of course I remember. How's it going?"

"I'm pretty bored actually. Everyone is still unpacking and I am just tripping over stuff getting in the way"

"Uh.. Do you want to come over?" I ask keeping my voice casual but willing him to say yes.

"Sure!" he responds a bit too quickly and a bit too enthusiastically. I smile, he must be really bored.

"Cool- see you soon" I hang up without waiting for a response and quickly shower, brush my teeth and quickly throw on some clothes. I have just finished making my bed when the doorbell rings. I run down to answer it- standing in the doorway are Jase and a very tall good looking man who I assume is his older brother.

"Hi", he flashes a truly dazzling smile, "I'm Jase's brother Arnold and you must be the girl he was raving about last night"

"Really he raved as in raving lunatic raved? Wow, I am flattered" I make sure there are no hard edges to my voice so Jase knows I am just kidding.

"Okay wow. All this humiliation first thing in the morning. Thanks for the escort brother please assure mother that I made my way slowly and carefully across the super dangerous street and arrived safely" He says nudging his brother back out of the door.

"Um okay but does she know how to.. you know?"

"If you say take care of me I will punch you in the throat" Jase murmurs darkly.

"We'll be okay. I'm a well trained monkey" I joke.

"Okay then you'll bring him home?"

"He will be home at a reasonable hour" Jase assures him.

"Okay. Have fun and um.. use protection." he quips as he leaves.

Jase has turned an amazing shade of beetroot.

"I know he was joking. Don't worry about it." I reassure him realising that I am rather hot and bothered as well "Come in?"

"Uh yeah" he coughs. I can tell he is trying to shake off his embarrassment at what his brother said.

We make our way into the living room. Thanks to his brother there is now a strange current between us. Yesterday it was easy today his touch against my elbow is charged. Everything is heightened.

"So, unless you just came over so we can be bored together, like, solidarity or whatever we need to figure out something to do" I declare knowing that we cannot sit and stew in the awkwardness.

" Uh well from what I hear Everwood doesn't really have that much to offer beyond the cafe we went to yesterday and an arcade but I did want to find out the extent of our musical compatibility. Matchbox twenty was a promising start but I need to know more." His smile is teasing and I am totally drawn in.

"So what do you propose Mr...."

"Goodman. We are the Goodmans."

"I think you mean Goodmen" He smiles at my weak joke "We are the Ogilvys nice to meet you. But to your plan; What is it?"

"Well- I brought this" He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his Ipod "I was thinking we could play a little game of shuffle roulette. You put your IPod on shuffle and we listen to five songs. Those five songs should tell us all we need to know about eachother."

"So it's not a game- no points no winner.." I clarify.

"I guess not but it is revelatory. And fun."

"Sounds good I have my speakers upstairs in my room- let's go"

Once we are in my room I lead Jase to the bed and watch to make sure he's okay as he situates himself.

"It's a bed, not a minefield. I don't like it when people hover around me. If I need help I'll ask for it, okay?" He smiles patiently. Obviously he has had to give this little speech before.

"Okay. Who should go first?"

"Ladies first"

I find my Ipod in my handbag which is still stuffed with magazines, bottled water and other travelling supplies, plug it into the speaker dock before sitting on the bed next to Jase.

The first song is the broadway cast of the Lion King performing "They live in you". I glance at Jase's expression he is barely concealing his smirk.

"You don't like the Lion King?" I protest.

"I did when I was five" he responds.

"Well I love the show. I've seen it an embarrassing number of times. Now you know my geek secrets- I love musical theatre and comic books."

"I told you- revelatory"

The next few songs on my Ipod are a violin piece I had been trying to learn, Fight test by the Flaming lips, Pursuit of happiness by Kid Cudi and Tiny dancer by Elton John. At the end of five songs I hit pause and turn to Jase.

"So?" I ask

"Well now I hazard a guess and then you explain. Um the first one has something to do with the musical theatre right? You are super into classical music as well. Maybe even Opera. The second one tells me we do have more in common- I really like that song too. Kid Cudi, I'm impressed it means you like rap but you don't like to have your ears assaulted by thoughtless crap lyrics and Tiny Dancer umm yeah we all liked Almost Famous"

"You've seen Almost Famous?" Surprise makes me blurt out the question before I realise how insensitive it is.

"Well I haven't seen it I heard it. It was good. So how close was I?"

"The first one actually has to do with the fact that I play the violin. Not very well but I needed to learn that piece for a recital as school. I don't really have that much classical music on my Ipod. Fight test, I really like that song not sure if I can explain it further. Kid Cudi yes I like rap but Its not that suprising, I'm black. I uh didn't know if you knew that..."

I trail off because Jase is laughing very hard.

"What?" I ask throwing a pillow at him.

"I'm sorry it's just the stealthy way that you just tried to tell me that you were black. Hilarious"

"Shut up." But I cannot help laughing along. "I am stealthy, like a ninja" I defend myself"Okay whatever. Lets hear yours." I grab his Ipod put it into the dock and press play.

The songs are Busted by Matchbox twenty, This way by Dilated Peoples, Generation by Emerson Hart, Another Day from RENT and The Kid's don't stand a chance by Vampire Weekend.

"Okay well. The first song shows that you really are a matchbox twenty fan. This way by dilated people shows that you are into conscious rap as well. You are sooo busted by the song for rent obviously I am not the only fan of musical theatre sitting on this bed and Vampire weekend I saw them live in London. Love them. All in all a faultless and compatible selection" I conclude.

"You really lack the killer instinct to play this game" He chuckles.

"I guess I do. I actually kind of hate the whole music snobbery thing. Music is this intensely personal thing. We can't really judge that stuff. So thanks for showing me you" I smile at him even though I know he can't see me.

"Yeah- um I agree. Thanks for showing me you too." He says and as if he can hear it in my voice he smiles at me in reply.

"So now I am hungry- how about lunch at Nina's?" I offer.

"Sounds good."

Once we are outside I realise that he doesn't have his cane. " Do you need your cane? We could stop by your place and pick it up?" I offer.

"Actually it draws a lot of attention and you were really good yesterday.You don't mind do you?" he asks shifting his weight nervously.

"Of course not but if you fall can I absolve myself from liability right now" I make a little sign I meant to approximate absolution.

"What was that?" he cocks his head questioningly.

"It was my uh gesture of uh absolution" with every word it dawns on me how absolutely insane I must sound.

"You are a strange girl. Do you know that?" He asks nudging me playfully. I am sure he was aiming for my ribs but instead his elbow connects with my breast. I yelp in pain.

"Oh shit! I am so sorry. Are you okay? Was that your um... your um..."

"My breast? Yes" My voice is already calm. It didn't hurt that badly it was the surprise more than anything.

"You know that I didn't. That I wasn't aiming for your um.."

"My breast? I know that you are blind and therefore could not possibly have been "aiming" for anything. Whether or not you were guesstimating the location of my breast we will never know but no harm no foul. My baby can feed from the other one." By now we are both in fits of hysterical laughter.

"Unless you have twins" He is laughing so hard his breathe is coming in short ragged rasps. His teeth are perfect and his neck is tense and a flush is caressing the back of it slowly moving up.

I take a few deep breathes to ease my cramping stomach.

"We're here- step up" I gasp.

I lead us to the same table as yesterday and spot Brett and Eli sitting at a nearby table.

"Hey guys!" I call over to them.

Brett immediately comes over to our table.

"Hey Aisha. It's good to see you again. Exploring the many awesome things Everwood has to offer are we?"

"Why yes we are. This is Jase. He's my neighbour and a fellow new kid in town. Jase this is Brett."

"Hey" Jase nods vaguely in Brett's direction. He has tensed up and his shoulders are hunched as if he is bracing or protecting himself.

"Hey" Brett responds looking quizzically at Jase. He isn't wearing sunglasses and his eyes are perfectly normal, beautiful even a clear green, but they are unfocused. Brett can't tell he is blind but he's probably wondering what is off about him.

"Do you mind if we join you? We could warn you about what to expect. School starts in like 3 days you guys must be wondering about it. Luckily for you I am the guy in the know. An invaluable first hand resource." Brett lays it on thick but I like that. He is charming and energetic and kind of shallow.

"Sure sit down. Hey Eli! Do you want to join us?" Eli smirks and joins us at the table. I shift to sit near Jase hoping it will make him feel more comfortable. I squeeze his hand as I slide into the booth. He smiles and I know that it is for me. The conversation is slow as we all feel eachother out .Jase warms a bit but there is an awkward moment early on when they discover he is blind.

"Where is the bathroom?" He asks as he nudges me to slide out of the booth.

"I'll take you", I offer.

At this point Brett and Eli probably just think we are off to make out or something but then Jase pulls his cane out of the waistband of his jeans (so he did have it! I note) and we make our way to the bathroom.

"I'll wait outside" I say when we get to the door.

"I don't actually need to go I just thought the cat needed to be let out the bag. The sooner they ask the questions and we deal with the awkwardness the sooner we can all be friends or they can react like total asshats and we can all not be friends. They seem like good guys though"

"Let's find out shall we" I reply as we head back.

When we get back to the table the silence is incredibly awkward. Eli is staring intently at the floor and Brett's mouth is slightly open.

"So yeah I'm blind" Jase deadpans.

Suddenly I can't help it. The laughter starts from a place that has nothing at all to do with the present situation. It starts from the absurdity of my childhood spent in hospitals all around the world, to my parents, to Jase having to deal with this every time he meets someone, to all of us walking wounded. Life is all of a sudden very hilarious. I laugh until tears stream down my face and until I am snorting like a farm animal. The boys just stare at eachother dumbfounded until Jase cracks up and all of a sudden we are all laughing because really what is not to laugh at in this situation?

"That was so fantastically awkward- it needs to be a scene on the office or arrested development. One of those cringe humour shows" I gasp.

"Dude we had no idea! I thought you wanted to talk to her or something or worst case scenario that you needed, i don't know, help" Brett flounders

This sets us off again.

"Help?" Eli exclaims "You are an idiot"

"So uh what happened? Were you born like that or?" Brett asks.

Eli chokes on his coffee "You don't have to answer that if you, you know, don't want to. Brett was born without a tact gland"

"I don't mind actually. It makes things very uncomfortable when people have questions that they just won't ask I was sighted until I was seven and then I got sick and that short circuited the part of my brain that um...sees."

The boy nod and I decide to change the topic by asking Brett about school gossip.

The next few hours fly by. We eat chips (french fries) and the boys drink milkshakes. Eli actually has a great sense of wry humour. Turns out he lived in New York until he was ten and he moved to Everwood. Once we are over the initial tension it turns out we all have a lot in common. Eli and I both play classical instruments. Brett and Jase both love sports. Eli is a little awkward around Jase he apologises every time he uses a visual verb. Jase stops him after the third time and threatens to punish him for killing an entire set of words from the English language. They tell us all about Everwood High.

"Wait wait wait. It sounds like the plot of every teen comedy. You know, before the girl takes off her glasses and is a total bombshell" I tease.

"That is exactly what it is like only without the clever dialogue and pop culture references" Eli murmurs darkly.

"The girl's aren't as hot" Brett adds with his mouth full of french fries my spontaneous response to this is to glare at Brett.

"I hate that, likening girls to temperatures. It's gross."

"I like being scolded by the English accent by the way. Also why would it upset you you are way hot."

"She is?" Jase asks.

"She is sitting right here. She also has to go because she wanted to make her sister dinner." I pronounce hopping to put an end to this particular line of conversation.

"She definitely is. She is also using her angry English accent which may be better than her scolding one." Brett laughs and holds his hand up for a high five. "Come on man don't leave me hanging!"

After a beat Jase responds "Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah man c'mon don't leave a brother hanging- give me five" Brett insists. Eli and I exchange amused glances.

"Uh yeah I'm blind dude- We are not going to have a high five-ing type of relationship, sadly" A half smile plays on his lip as he lowers his head in faux remorse.

"I can live with that" Brett replies easily.

As I walk home with Jase I realise that it was fun, the most I I have had since the accident. And I cannot help but hate myself for daring to enjoy myself.

Part 5

"I am so sorry I'm late!" I exclaim as I hurry into the house cringing a little as the door slams behind me. "I met this new family that is moving in two doors down from us and they are really nice- well the Mum Tina and the Son Jason are the only two I've met". I stop dead in my tracks to observe my sister calmly sipping a cup of tea and flicking through a magazine on our new sofa. The living room is set up with the couch, the new rug, the restored leather ottoman and the shelving.

"Wow you did all this in the two hours I was away? It looks amazing. Thanks Marcia" I go to the couch and give her a hug before plonking down next to her.

"Yes well, to her much crazy eyes are given much is expected. I just got in the zone. Our rooms are done too I figure the house is at least liveable until we get the stuff that we shipped over" she surveys the room approvingly.

"It's a bit more than liveable. I'm sorry I wasn't here to help" I mean it.

"Don't worry cute boy trumps family obligations"

"I didn't say he was cute! He's nice and my age. That's it. What can I do to make it up to you"

"You could go pick up dinner from the Chinese place- they do not deliver except in a really super specific set of circumstances that he insisted on enthralling me with when I called them"

"That is so strange- Sure I'll do the pick up. What would you like? The usual?"

"The usual" she affirms nodding her head for emphasis.

"Cool" I say grabbing the keys of the counter on my way out "I'll be back in a bit"

I pull out of the driveway wondering idly how long we'll keep the rental before we buy a car. When we do buy a car will it just be the one? That would be the more responsible choice sustainability wise but the thought of being beholden to my sister in a town without a mass transit system doesn't appeal to me either. I flick through the radio stations trying to find something to listen to when I come across the song that my parents danced to at their wedding. The car swerves as I flail in a panic to turn the radio off. Turning on the radio- whose play list I don't have control over was a rookie mistake. Absolute control over all emotive elements- what I listen to, what I watch and what I read is crucial to keeping myself together. My parents are always on my mind but I try to push them to the back of it. I was just caught off guard. I pull to the side of the road and take a series of deep breathes until my hands stop shaking, the tears in my eyes retreat from the brink and the anvil in my chest is back to being the weight of a large rock. One more deep breathe and I restart the car and pull back on to the road. I get to the restaurant and place our order with the very stoned looking guy at the register before sitting down at one of the tables in the empty restaurant. The door opens and two boys walk in- one dark haired and brooding and the other blonde and athletic with a goofy grin.

"You know what your problem is?" the blonde one asks "you fixate. You have fixated on Amy and I may not be allowed to say this since she is my sister but she is not even that amazing. She is very Mischa Barton later years of the O.C right now."

"Okay, one I would keep it quiet that I watch the O.C, two, I am not fixated on Amy. I am all about Madison right now.I'm not and three who taught you the word fixate?"

I have to smile at his extremely unconvincing protestations. The blonde boy catches this and instantly gestures towards me.

"Eli even complete strangers don't believe you".

Eli blushes and I cannot resist having some fun with him.

"Extremely unconvincing. Whoever this Amy girl is she has got you tied in some fairly impressive knots." Shaking my head ruefully.

"The stranger has an accent!" the blonde one exclaims as he approaches me "Why cheerio madam my name is Brett what brings you to this side of the pond?" he says in an accent that slips and slides between Irish, German and Cockney.

I look at the dark haired one- Eli with a questioning cocked eyebrow and he just smiles and shakes his head. Obviously Brett gets carried away sometimes.

"Right..", I reply "I'm Aisha. Nice to meet you" I shake his hand.

"Are you from here? I haven't seen you around?"

"Actually I just moved here. I'm going to be starting at the local high school next week"

"Awesome, I go there, we both do. Mr pathetic over there and me" He says flashing me a smile that makes me realize that this conversation is not so innocent.

My order is called so I just smile archly at him and reply "I'll see you both there then. It'll be nice to know some people. Nice to meet you."

"You said that already" Eli mutters darkly.

I pick up my order and when I get to the door I turn and say

"Eli. This Amy/ Madison girl, hang in there. One day she'll get out of her funk and see you, really see you. Later!" I call casually over my shoulder as I leave.

The temporary reprieve of being absorbed in someone else's drama is amazing. Hopefully once I make some friends I can have more moments of vicarious teenage angst. The thing about worrying about high school stuff is that there is always something that can be done- study harder, talk to him, kiss her, move on.... It's never that serious. The pain is never that permanent.

I get home and realise I am not hungry. I keep Marcia company as we discuss how we sill spend our day tomorrow. Marcia wants to tidy up the garden and start her job search.

"What job are you going to look for anyway? You haven't passed the bar here but you still have a law degree and a Masters from Oxford. Is anything going to be stimulating enough?"

"I don't need to be stimulated I just need to be busy" she replies with her mouth full of noodles. "As long as it isn't breaking rocks with bigger rocks I'll be okay. I can apply for a PhD if I get really bored. The University of Colorado campus isn't that far away."

"Okay. Well you might as well hit the pavement and start looking tomorrow. We could also register with a doctor. It's almost time for my six month check up and we'll need physicals before we can buy insurance. Also Dudders left a voice mail on my phone so I really think that you should talk to him and let him know you are al right."

Marcia just rolls her eyes and grunts.

"Or just be passive aggressive from across the Atlantic ocean, that works too I guess. I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight Marcia."

"Goodnight. Hey about the check up- you do feel okay right? not at all..." she drifts off

"Cancer-y?" I joke "Don't stress I feel fine. The check ups are just par for the course for someone in remission."

"Good because an orphan with cancer? You would be too pathetic to hang around me" She says turning to a magazine on the kitchen counter.

My first night in my new room I try to say my prayers like my parent's had taught me to do. Like I always had done while they were alive.

"Dear God" I begin. There is nothing else to say. I toss and turn trying to shake the heaviness for what seems like hours before I fall asleep.

Part 4

"He should be in the house. Can I trust you to find him?" She asks. I follow her gaze to a table being manhandled out of the truck and I understand that she has her hands full.

"Sure". As I step into the house I immediately worry about the task I have taken on. No teenage boys take kindly to babysitting not even blind ones perhaps especially not blind ones. I notice a teenager listlessly running his hands along the kitchen island he is standing next too.

"Mum could you please give me something to do?" he asks as I enter the kitchen.

"Hey. I'm Aisha I live two doors down we just moved in too and I was taking a walk and thought I would check out the newest new neighbours" I approach him slowly as I say this. He registers the information calmly.

"Hi I'm Jase" he sticks his hand out for me to shake. It's not exactly where I am standing but impressively close. I shake it.

"Lovely to meet you. How old are you Jase?"

"Seventeen"

"I'm sixteen- glad I won't be the only new kid in town. Safety in numbers right?"

"I wouldn't have guessed sixteen" he smiles crookedly "the accent makes you seem older"

"I sound old!" I exclaim feigning offence.

"No. I meant mature. You sound mature" He laughs good naturedly.

"Definitely the accent then. I'm not" I deadpan.

"So how did you end up in this dump town?" He asks.

"It's a long story. How about you?"

"A really short story. Two words; new and job"

At this moment Tina enters the kitchen "I see you guys met. Why don't you go check out the town?"

"Don't you need my help?" He asks there is an edge to his question but I dismiss it since it isn't directed at me.

"No", Tina replies sweetly "We have it all under control. Go away."

"I could fill you in on my long story. You could also maybe add a few words to yours? I'm very comfortable with leaving my sister to do all the work. She has full on crazy eyes right now."

He leans into me and stage whispers "Like my mum's are now?"

"Uncannily similar" I reply in a stage whisper.

"Cool- I know when I'm not wanted" he says at normal volume. He reaches out for his Mum finds her arm and she kisses him on the cheek. He then turns to face me

"Let's go"

"Okay" I allow him to find my arm and he grips it above the elbow. He pulls his cane out of the back of his jeans but doesn't unfold it until we are outside the front door.

"Steps. Three of them down." I say warning him of the porch steps. He finds them and steps down them easily. We set off in the direction of main street.

"So lets build on the two word story. Whose job?" I ask

"My Mum's. My Dad is a contractor so he can work anywhere but my Mum is going to be editing the town paper. She grew up here."

"You don't sound too enthused?"

"I'm fine. I'm just not great with change. I had friends in Minneapolis, I liked my school and my life and it just sucks that I don't get a say"

"What was your school like?"

"It was a small school for kids with problems mainstreaming "special kids"" He smiles wryly "It was pretty great"

"I went to a smaller school too. Lets step this way and avoid the tree. It was a boarding school but I was home nearly every weekend. I loved it too" I say.

"So why are you here? I mean London to Everwood is not a popular air route and there is a reason for that"

"Okay brace yourself because I am going to test my story out on you. You are the first person to hear it and your reaction will determine whether or not I tell it again"

"Okaaay" He says squaring up his shoulders "Hit me".

"Well my parents were in a car accident. My mother died on the spot and my Father survived and was stabilized only to die five days later when he figured out that my Mother was dead. My sister and I had to get away so she threw a dart at a map to pick continent, and then I threw to pick country, and then she threw to pick region and then we picked Everwood because we like the name. And that is why we moved here I conclude."

He stopped walking when I began my story and I look at him now taking in his expression.

"That bad huh? I will definitely come up with something else by Monday" I joke weakly. When he doesn't reply I add "Sorry, I shouldn't joke. It's not funny. I shouldn't have said anything"

"I'm glad you did- tell me, that is. I would just straight up lie at school though."

"Duly noted" I smile grateful he has let me off the hook.

"When did all this happen?" he asks his voice serious again.

"Five weeks ago" Against my will tears fill my eyes. I shake my head to stop them. He squeezes my arm slightly as if to steady me. I wonder how he knew I needed steadying.

"We're here- Nina's. The local cafe. Step up."

Once we are inside we find a table near the window and sit down. Nina's isn't the old timey Diner I was hoping for instead it has the sleek look that most Coffee shops around the world have.

"Thanks for the arm- I'm guessing I'm not the first blind person you've known"

"What makes you think I'm not just a natural?" He simply cocks his eyebrow in response.

"Fine" I relent "A friend of mine Holly has a blind little sister Suri we went to disability awareness class together."

"Uh.. cool?" he responds and I just laugh at his uncertainty "Works out well for me anyway. I don't have to train you"

"Your verb choice makes me sound like a monkey!" I laugh.

A pretty blonde waitress who looks about our age interrupts us "Hi. I'm Amy welcome to Nina's here are the menu's and I will be back in a bit to take your drink orders".

"So what about you?"

"What about me?" He responds chuckling.

"Any horrible stories you want to test drive on me before you start school?- you are going to the local one aren't you?"

"I am and are you asking me how I went blind?" He asks in a stage whisper.

I swat the hand he has cupped on the side of his mouth playfully.

"No- any awkward truth will do. But I have two dead parents so make it good!"

"No I don't have anything that good" He says the playfulness gone from his voice

Amy returns and Jase orders black coffee and I order a latte. I notice he didn't volunteer the information but now I know that he went blind and wasn't born blind. I don't push the topic. He'll tell me when he is ready. I change the subject to something more neutral and we chat easily for a bit. Jase tells me about his best friend from back home and I tell him about mine. We talk about the books that we are reading. I am getting really excited to have met someone that I have so much in common with. When I look up hours have passed.

"Oh crap- I'd better go. I actually promised my sister I would help set up some stuff we got today. Our stuff from home isn't here yet."

I pay the bill and we exit Nina's and I notice that he is humming a matchbox twenty song -Unwell.

"I love that song. That whole album really. Any matchbox twenty song" I comment awkwardly.

"Me too" he replies simply and we walk back to our street humming matchbox twenty songs the whole way trying to catch up the other person by using bonus tracks and songs not played on the radio. When he couldn't pick up Last Beautiful Girl I declare myself the winner.

"No way!" he protests

"You can still be their second biggest fan in Everwood. Does that take the sting off of your failure?" I mock unable to resist rubbing my victory in his face.

"The only thing that stings is my ears from your terrible humming. You managed to mangle that song into something barely recognizable as music" he replies. I cannot keep the delight off of my face- he gives as good as he gets.

"I wasn't aware this was a singing competition. I am the biggest fan. Admit it." I respond blithely.

"Okay- how many times have you seen them live?" he asks.

"Ermm none."

"Well then you cannot be their biggest fan. Hate to break it to you but it falls under my jurisdiction as their biggest fan" he says.

"So I lose? Just like that?"

"Just like that" he pronounces with an absolute finality that makes me laugh.

"Oh we're here" I say noting his Mum coming to meet us "Hi Tina!"I greet her "I should go" I say to Jason "We can settle this tomorrow though- will you be around?"

"I will be school doesn't start until Monday"

"Cool maybe you could come over and hang out at mine for a bit. I could come pick you up"

"Don't worry about it, my brother will bring me it's two houses down right?"

He cocks his head and his gaze roams downwards. I realize he probably has to remind himself to maintain "eye contact".

"Right do you um want my number so you can call and let me know when your coming over?" I fumble to the end of the sentence all of a sudden unsure about how to exchange phone numbers with a boy who cannot see.

"What is it?" he asks pulling out his phone.

I recite my number and he types it in and saves it with a voice tag "2nd biggest fan". I scoff in his direction shaking my head at the tag he chose and smile at his Mother before heading home.

part 3

The gloriousness of the following morning was only highlighted by the delightful combo of chintz and porcelain cats that typified the spirit of the bed and breakfast we spent the night in. Equally glorious was my sister fully dressed in her "casual" attire- dark rinse straight leg jeans (do not get her started on skinny jeans which are in her opinion for tween gay boys and skanks), a floaty cream top,a charcoal cardigan accented with pink ribbon, ever present pearl earrings- a gift from our parents when she got into Oxford and patent leather fuchsia pumps.
"I don't know what is more terrifying all the chintz or that you think that outfit is Colorado appropriate. Also buddy lets turn down the intensity of your expression by like eighty percent." I say turning around to get more sleep.
Marcia snatches up the blankets away from me "No can do buddy" she stresses the Americanism with a horrible approximation of an American accent "I just got off the phone with Kevin. We have to go pick up the keys, rent a car, buy some crap to make the house liveable, enrol you in whatever sub par secondary school they have in this town. We have to leave now because I want to get all this done so we can be in our new house and have a nice cup of tea before bed" As she speaks she opens my suitcase and pulls out my clothes, shoves a towel at me and not so gently ushers me to the bathroom.
"It's called a high school" I mutter as she shuts the door.
I shower quickly and get dressed into the outfit Marcia picked for me knowing better than to argue with her when she has that look in her eyes.
"How are we going to get to all these places?" I ask meekly accepting the cup of coffee and bran muffin she hurriedly passes me as we exit the hotel. I am not sure how she got them.
"There" she brushes the hair off her face and nods at a cab parked in front. We enter the cab and I watch as Marcia pulls out her dreaded purple Asprey organizer. Typical first born type A personality my sister has never met a problem she couldn't organize into a manageable size. There are no problems in her world only opportunities for lists. If I sound bitter it is because she also becomes unbearably condascending when that thing is in her hand.
"Okay, I was thinking we should just get try to settle on what we want the house to look like once we get into the space- clean quick decisions. What do you think?" she asks briefly looking up from the list she is making. The cab is already headed to Kevin's house. I smile as i look away from the window.
She rolls her eyes at my expression "What?".
"I was just thinking you sound like Mum- which is why I let you handle her when she was re-decorating"
"Oh God- remember when she re did the kitchen after Daddy took that job without telling her?"
"You mean the time when the granite tops had to be changed seven times- I really was very impressed with her clinical decision making" I joke nodding solemnly.
Marcia chokes out her laugh and when I look over she has tears in her eyes. We have been avoiding speaking about our parents in anything but the most abstract terms since the funeral. I look away since I know that comforting her would only set her off.
"I think we will be much more decisive- we keep whatever granite tops are in the house now. Even if they are absolutely hideous. There. One decision down. Tick it off your list please" I command with an imperious wave of my hand. She rolls her eyes as she does and the moment is diffused.
The taxi first stops at the car rental office. We quickly install ourselves in a hybrid toyota (my penance for being driven around in my parent's range rover). Kevin's office is nearby and he helpfully points out some of the town's landmarks as we head over to the house. It becomes clear that getting lost in Everwood will never be that much of a problem. There is a Main Street with shops, restaurants and offices, a train station, a city hall and a small shopping arcade. 5 minutes away from main street Kevin pulls up the drive way of an adorable colonial house. It is white with green shutters and sits on a little slope with a huge oak tree in the front yard. Nothing could be further away from the town house in Belgravia and country home in Dorset where we grew up.
"Wow- it is really American" I comment and begin to hum the theme song to "Seventh Heaven" as we exit the car and enter the house.
"I'm sorry, I have another appointment I have to rush to. Here are your keys. Please don't hesitate to call if you need anything. Here is a celebratory fruit basket. Welcome home."
"No problem. We should be thanking you- for this amazing house and the fruit. Where would you recommend for shopping for furniture and linen and that sort of thing?" Marcia asks as she follows him to the door.
"There is a giant mall with an Ikea, bed, bath and beyond- cherry creek it's on the outskirts of Denver and should be on your GPS. Good luck with everything!"
The next few hours are a blur. We drop off my transcripts and a utility bill and after a very cursory interview with the headmaster I am enrolled at school and due to start in a week's time. We drive to the mall which is the biggest thing I have EVER shopped in. I have to give credit to Marcia and her list it included where to buy nice sheets and towels but cheap and cheerful cutlery and crockery. The only point of contention had been the couch- our mother had been devoted to a very English sensibility which meant beige and quiet understatement I thought that a departure from this with a bold eggplant corner sofa unit was in order which we could then accent with splashes of colour with bold print armchairs. Marcia laughed at my idea. A ten minute squabble ensued. Eventually we compromised on a cream corner sofa with dozens of insane throw pillows completing flaunting my mother's philosophy of less is more. We got a rug to place in front of the fireplace.
It was nearly three o'clock and we had been moving non stop since we woke up. I was starving "Hey Marcia- can we get something to eat and call it a day? I am exhausted and we have all the essentials and we should be home when all the stuff gets delivered."
"I'm surprised you lasted this long", she smiles understandingly she knows how much I hate shopping "let's head home".
Marcia and I have always had a fluid understanding of home. Although my father's work for the foreign office had kept us based in London for the past five years when we were younger we had moved around more. We had lived in Lisbon, Cairo, Nairobi, Brussels and finally Paris before settling back to my father's home town of London. My parent's owe a lot to my father's work in the diplomatic service they only met because my father was posted to my mother's home town of Nairobi. She had just returned home after graduating from Radcliffe and she thought she was back for good but she fell in love with my Dad and hitched her wagon to his.
Once we get back to the house I check my email and decide to change my location on facebook to Everwood, Colorado and reply to a few messages from friends accusing my sister and I of insanity. The tone of these messages ranges from incredulous to hurt. I close my laptop after composing a few cheery responses. There is no way to explain it to them. They take it personally that we are leaving but we just couldn't stay. Not when everything reminded us of them. Not when the ridiculous amount of tragedy threatened to suck us down and never let us up. They don't get it but leaving was all that we could do at a time when inaction would have been disastrous. The only way to take charge was to change everything.
I snap myself out of it. A few years ago I spent some time in the hospital and it was then I realised that self pity is really self destructive and boring. I go outside for a walk. Two houses down I notice that another family is moving in. Their house is slightly larger and older. The woman directing the traffic flow of boxes and furniture notices my staring.
"Hi neighbour!" she calls out. Her voice is friendly and I am drawn to how motherly she seems.
"Hi", I reply as soon as I am close enough to talk without yelling "How is the unpacking going?"
"You know how it is- we lived in our old house for 15 years so we should be settled here in about..say fifteen years." She laughs.
"I sympathise- actually we moved in yesterday, just two doors down" I gesture to our house.
"Really? Where from?"
"London, how about you?"
"Minnesota. My husband Gary, My two sons and me. Actually they are about your age- How old are you?"
"Sixteen. And I live with my sister Marcia. I'm Aisha" I introduce myself extending my arm.
"Tina. Nice to meet you."
I can tell she is needed to supervise the unpacking so I begin to extricate myself from the conversation. "Lovely to meet you too but I don't want to keep you from unpacking so I'll just go."
I begin heading down the driveway.
"Wait" I stop waiting to hear what she wants "Could you do me a favour?" She asks I can tell she is nervous.
"Of course- What do you need?"
"It's my son. He needs to be occupied while we set up the house. He's well, he's blind and maybe you could go hang out for a bit. No pressure but it would really help me out. He's your age...." she trails off uncertainly.
"Sure- I haven't met anyone my age here yet I would love to hang. Does he want to be set up on a play date by his mum though?" I am extremely intrigued and have nothing else to do.
"Probably not so we could just keep that between us" She winks.
I smile "Where is he?"

part 2

I watch Marcia delicately sniff the air as we step off the plane "It took what feels like 3 and a half weeks in the sky but we are here. Colorado, darling, and it smells like hope, sunshine, apple pie, adorable farm hands!"She proclaims with mock solemnity.
"Wow", I smile cutting her off knowing her tendancy to ramble on "all that from the air conditioned airport that we literally just stepped into"
"Yes Aisha, all that. Unfortunately what I cannot smell is how the hell we are going to get to Everwood and our new lives. It's 2am, I checked online and the car rental doesn't have any more models with GPS- so unless you want to navigate with a map while driving in the dark on the wrong side of the road. The wrong side of the road because we are in a new country, headed to a podunk town that we have never been to or heard of because we hatched this insane plane to..."
"Steady there Marcia" I hold on to her trying to literally stop her from going down that line of thought "adorable farm hands, remember the adorable farm hands" I say it soothingly as if trying to calm a spooked horse. Only when she doesn't respond to this blatant condascension do I realise that Marcia is freaking out.
"One thing at a time Marcia, okay. First let's clear immigration. Then we'll check into an airport hotel and drive to Everwood in the morning. We'll be okay" I say with a certainty I hope will convince her.
She nods her head slightly and I drag her to the immigration desks grateful that arriving at an ungodly hour means never having to wait in queue. Our passports are scrutinised since it is our first entry on our new residential permits but we are stamped through and collect our bags. I am attempting to make a reservation at the nearest hotel on my Iphone when Marcia nudges me pointing in the direction of a sign that reads "Ogilivie sisters".
"Huh? Did you arrange for someone to meet us?" She asks gesturing at my phone
"I wish I could say yes and put this silly Iphone vs Blackberry thing to rest but there are no apps for that" I say cautiously approaching the man holding the sign.
"Hi um we are the Ogilvy sisters- are you here to meet us?" I smile at him enquiringly.
"You guys are sisters?"
Marcia and I smile at eachother. It was a bit harsh it blurt it out like that but Marcia and I do look totally different. My sister is gorgeous- a body that conforms to current patriachal norms of beauty by obligingly dipping and curving in all the right places, beautiful mocha skin,long dark curly hair, green eyes and a wide playful smile. Men tend to only notice the body but anyone who looks deeper would know that my sister is truly beautiful- she lights up from the inside. I'm not going to insult myself by making allusions to the ugly duckling but we do look very different. We are actually half sisters- My dad is half African, Marcia's biological mother his first wife was white and my mother the woman who we both called mum and who raised us both was African. So where Marcia's skin is mocha mine is the chocolate, my eyes are brown and my hair is relaxed and cropped in a tidy bob with sweeping bangs. I think my smile is just as playful as Marica's but my eyes hold a bit more mischeif and yes a smidge more potential cruelty. I always take the joke too far. Marcia was always nice trying to put people at ease and I did... well I just didn't.
"We are- half sisters biologically but full sisters in every way that counts" Marcia replies brightly while I roll my eyes at her. She knows I hate it when she feels the need to explain what she calls our unique situation. My issues are two part; 1. Our situation is not that unique and 2. Our situation isn't really anybody's business.
"I'm sorry- we didn't book a car or anything who sent you?" I ask sensing that Marcia would need 10 minutes of warm up chit chat before asking this crucial question.
"Sorry- I'm spaced because its so late but I'm Kevin-The realtor and when you called to say your flight had been delayed and you wouldn't be able to pick up the keys today.. or um yesterday.. I thought I would pick you up and save you the hassle of finding the town in the dark. I was in Denver anyway meeting some friends so it wasn't too much trouble"
I appraise Kevin as he speaks he has a mild mannered demeanour and dresses well. Not too flashy but showing good sound fashion judgement. His sandy hair is croppped shortly and he has a kind smile.
"I'm impressed- that really does go above and beyond the call and duty. Thanks." I smile with what I hope is appropriate warmth considering 48 hours surrounded by recycled air
"My car is this way you guys must be exhausted" Kevin says leading us toward the double doors exit.
"Yes we are- we've basically been travelling for two whole days. It has been insane" Marcia replied and the conversation moved easily between them.
I followed behind knowing that Marcia would keep Kevin entertained the whole way there and I would only have to contribute sporadically.
Once inside Kevin's Pick up I sit back and half listen to him and Marcia talk, they seem to have a lot in common. At least one of us will have a friend. I squint into the darkness attempting to make out something that would give me a hint as to what lay ahead. The pick up rumbles gently beneath me and eventually I doze off.
When we arrive at the Cozy Tavern Bed and Breakast I am woken up by my sister's squeal of laughter at the name.
"Cozy Tavern! Wow-they could have just gone with Fuzzy Snuggles- that is a much more direct path to get your cutesy message across"
"Actually Fuzzy Snuggles sounds awesome right now" I laugh rubbing my eyes.
"Hey, welcome back- I'm just going to go and grab the keys. Mrs Donnelly is extremely nozy and will not leave you alone until she knows your entire life story and with two newbies landing in the middle of the night- this stuff is like crack for her".
Kevin returned after a few minutes and we all walked to the room in silence and exchanged quick goodbye hugs with Kevin. I cried dibs on the shower in a brilliant use of a classic little sister manouvre. I was waiting in Marcia's bed when she got out of the shower. She wasn't suprised to see me there. Even at the ripe old age of 16 I was not above the comfort of sharing a bed.
"You were great at the airport you know. I was freaking out a little" Marcia confesses as she climbs into bed.
"A little?" I chuckle and protect my face as she chucks a pillow at my head, "What about now- do you still think this is crazy?"
She turns out the light and I can feel her measuring her words in the dark. She knows I am not asking casually.
"This is full on crazy, certifiably insane, but it feels right. But Mum used to say that we were at our strongest together- a good team and we are going to be fine" She whispers the words fiercely.
"Mum also thought tea would solve any problem. Smart lady" I reply.
Marcia drifts off to sleep quickly and I lie into the dark listening to our synchronised breathing. Marcia is the only family I have left so her breathing and the warm weight of her beside me in the bed are the most solid and most fragile things I own. I turn making myself more comfortable I haven't been sleeping so great since my Father died but tonight I am exhausted. I listen for Everwood, wanting it to tell me something. The only reply is silence and my sister's breathing. I settle into the sound and fall asleep.

Part 1

So here we are new house in a new town in a new country. As close to a completely clean slate as Marcia and I could manage. We arrive in our new home (purchased on-line trusting digital photos and a very nice estate agent, Kevin) and survey the bricks and mortar that will make up our new lives. It was only then that I understood fully what we have just done. I feel the need to state, for the record, that neither my sister nor I are retarded intellectually or emotionally. I think that we are both fully aware of the ridiculous impossibility of our mission. We know that grief cannot be outrun, cannot be defeated my the simple act of putting 5000 km between us and everything that reminds us of our parents. The fact that we are recently orphaned is one of those incredibly resonant truths totally untethered by Geography. We are both fully aware of the stark unavoidability of it all. But since this plan formed a few days after the funeral it has gathered momentum- we moved on from idly discussing the idea of a magical place we dubbed "anywhere else" to more concrete plans about what to do with the house and where we would live and what we would do.

In keeping with the spirit of operation "anywhere else" we decided that the where should be totally random. So a dart and a map we found in my father's study made the decision for us. Marcia got first throw as the oldest, i suspect she intentionally aimed up in an attempt to keep us in the northern hemisphere, and it worked- United States of America. I got the second throw that narrowed in location- Colorado and then Marcia picked a town because dart throwing became impractical. Everwood because she liked the "sturdy romance" of the name. I smiled sarcastically (as the younger sister I was obliged to) but I agreed with her. It sounded like a lovely little town. I've always appreciated American's for their warmth- genuine or otherwise. Goodbye London with the constant gloom and hello...anything else. Next thing I knew we were searching for a house, buying tickets, saying goodbye to friends and boarding a plane. Everyone probably thought that we were crazy but we were driven forward by the plan's momentum and the direction that it gave us- saving us from the helplessness and inaction of grief. We were moving. We both knew that once the frenzy dulled we would probably just be two very silly English girls in Colorado and that grief would find us then and it would probably hit us harder having gained some momentum of its own as it followed us across the ocean relishing our delusion knowing that it would only make the reality of our loss that bit more difficult to deal with. We both knew this but on we went, emboldened by Kevin, friendly Americans neighbours, red bull, sympathetic tuts by people we once considered friends, concerned sideways glances, delusion, sturdy romance and the promise of anywhere else.

Nineteen.

I am brimming

Nothing happening

I’d like screaming

Under water

I am bristling

Nothing’s changing

It’s like screaming

Under water

I am searching

Finding nothing

It’s like choking

Under water

I am groping

Touching nothing

I am still

Under water.